Warning: this story will contain mentions of unhealthy relationships and adult themes. The main character also has some character traits that may differs from your own, please do keep that in mind. Review and comments will be appreciated (Customisation) There once was a dashing bachelor (That looked like )(uses the OH male feces) Face 1 Face 2 Face 3 Face 4 (Hairstyles) James Bond (black slick backed) Don Diego Vega (dark brown wavy hair slicked back long neck) Steve Rogers (Short blonde side swept hair) Agent J (Short kinky curls) Is this him? Yes No (go back to customisation) What is his name? (Default: George) (Surname) (Default: Bishop) There he meets A beautiful woman A handsome man A beautiful woman Face 1 (Asian; has pale skin, dark almond eyes, straight black mid-back hair with a mid-part) Face 2 (Hispanic: has tan skin, deep brown eye and over shoulder-length volumes wavy hair with side bangs.) Face 3 (Afro-American: dark skin, expressive brown eyes with long blackish brown chest-length kinky curly hair.) Face 4 (Caucassian: pinkish skin with freckles, clear blue round eyes, collarbone length layered dirty blonde hair) A handsome man Face 1 (Asian: pale skin, dark almond eyes, straight black hair put up in a pompadour style) Face 2 (Hispanic: tan skin, with slicked back wavy hair that always looks like it is coming undone.) Face 3 (Afro-American: dark skin, expressive brown eyes, with a crewcut with tight natural curls.) Face 4 (Caucasian: pinkish skin with freckles, clear blue eyes, dirty blonde hair in a Taper haircut.) As the two peoples eyes lock across the room. The sensation of a pull drives them to get closer to one another. As the dashing bachelor offered his hand his partner gladly accepted it. Leading into a dance that lasted the rest of the night. The whole world faded away to the sound of the Jazz band, their breathing and their dancing. As their lips moved to meet... ???: “Oh come now Joanna, you know that is no way that would ever happen.” (Record Scratch) Joanna: “Oh for craps sake, George I was getting to the best part.” George: “Forgive me for finding it uncomfortable that you have decide how my love life is going to go.” Lance: “He does have a point there sis.” Joanna: “Way to stand up for your sister Lance.” Lance “Look I’m all for love conquers and all that jazz but it is kind of difficult to make a love life for someone else.” George: “Thank you.” Lance: “I mean he isn’t a completely lost cause. I’m sure some desperate soul will take him.” Lance: “I mean he’s got dads looks, and he managed to get with mom when they were young.” Lance: “That might make up for his zero tact.” George: “Your faith in me is awe inspiring.” Lance: “Oh cheer up. With your upcoming trip to Vegas, maybe you’ll have luck in love and not just on the poker table.” Joanna: “Maybe you’ll meet someone special!” You snort, finding the idea silly. George: “I wouldn’t bet on it.” Chapter 1: One night in Vegas In an underground speakeasy decked out in old decor from the 20th centuries first half. You sit there nursing your drink. After a long day at the office you love nothing more than when you can enjoy your secret fancy. Dressed up in an old-fashioned pinstripe suit and a fedora. You feel like a king, this little piece of haven in Chicago that seemed to be frozen in time. You feel your friend beside you stir, he himself having to relax from work as well as dreading an upcoming event. After his fifth sight you opt to actually talk about it. You take a swing of your drink and decide to talk about the elephant in the room. Or more accurately you decide to talk about the issue in pre 1940’s slang George: “Your bear cat of a sister still giving you a hard time?” Jeremy: “Noneofya.” He mumbled. George: “Look Pally, I known you since we were scrubs and had squat. What's eating you?” Jeremy: “That dame will chisel me out of every dime I own.” George: “Stephie acting like a Big cheese cause she is getting hitched?” Jeremy: “She wants everything spiffy and I’m quite sure her ankle biters will be paying the bills. My folks are on my case regarding my dame.” You think for a moment. Jeremy and Katie had been together for four years. They got one another, they lived together. George: “Stephie’s lucky her guy thinks she’s the Cat's meow.” You said reflecting on everything you ever heard regarding Darren, he was a good guy. Definitely not the smartest but he loved Stephanie like she was the only woman alive. You just wondered why anyone would want to spend time with that woman. Jeremy: “Alright, real talk.” Jeremy said as he dropped ‘the act’, we were no longer hot shots in the prohibition era. We were now just George Bishop and Jeremy Jackson a financial advisor and a computer wizard. George: “In all do honesty I do not see why you need to go there? Aren’t bachelorette parties strictly female?” Jeremy: “They used to be, but I am quite sure I am not going with them to be pampered like the bridesmaids.” George: “Then your function is?” Jeremy: “If I were to guess, fall guy and pack mule.” Jeremy: “I think she is also doing it to brag, that ‘she did it first.’ To rub it in Katie’s face.” George: “You never really care what your sister does. Why now?” Jeremy: “Because they are pressuring me and Katie. Not just my family but next to everyone we know. ‘When is the wedding? What is the venue? How many guests? Are you going to have it this year?’ Look I love my girl, but none of us is in rush to walk down the aisle.” Yeah, you know, you were the first one Jeremy told about his plan to propose. You were happy for him but at the end of the day it was up to Katie and Jeremy. Not you or their families. However the rest of the world seemed to think differently. Mom: “Oh sweetheart, happy valentine’s day! Are you spending it with someone special?” George: “Mom, you know I am not looking for someone.” Mom: “Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find that certain someone sooner or later.” Yeah, it isn’t enough your sister is married and your brother is utterly twitterpated with his boyfriend. You need to ensure your oldest is also with someone. Boss: “Mr. Bishop, I must say. I am impressed with your work ethics, but we have decided to go with Mr. Robinson as the face of the company.” Never minding the fact that you worked twice as hard as said college. George: “I understand. May I ask what made you choose him?” Boss: “We did research and found that your college would be favourable, due to circumstance.” Translation: we wanted a man that was married and not the workaholic bachelor. Stranger 1: “You see that guy over there?” Stranger 2: “You mean the one with the RBF?” Stranger 1: “Yeah, probably one of those loners, will never find anyone.” Stranger 2: “I mean who goes to a restaurant like this alone?” Honestly? You can’t have a meal alone? George: “Yeah, I know that feeling.” Jeremy: “Seriously.” Both of you take a sigh. Jeremy: “But in all honesty. Thank you for coming along, I really appreciate it. Would probably loose my mind if I went alone.” George: “Of course.”
It would be a shame to lose my partner in crime.
My boss would be pissed if I didn’t.
Who would turn down free drinks?
Jeremy: “Yeah sounds about right.” *Choice 1* George: “Remember how we got back at Marcus Thatcher?” *Choice 1* Jeremy: “Oh, I remember. Too bad he didn’t check the file we sent, it might have saved him some embarrassment.” *Choice 1* George: “Big tough football star being fooled by ‘two scrawny’ freshmen.” *Choice 1* Jeremy: “And we were hailed as heroes for a month.” *Choice 1* Jeremy: “Wait, don’t tell me HR department has been on your case.” *Choice 2* Geroge: “Yep, too much overtime.” *Choice 2* Geroge: “Never mind I make sure that everything is quality controlled.” *Choice 2* Jeremy: “Geesh. Well glad to know I could be of service.” *Choice 2* Jeremy: “Ah there it is, I knew you had a hidden agenda. *Choice 3* George: “Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy, when have I ever hid something from you?” *Choice 3* Jeremy: “Alright fair, you are honest to the point of insult.” *Choice 3* Geroge: “You asked for my opinion, besides those shoes where ugly as sin.” *Choice 3* Both of you laugh, you had been in each other’s life since kindergarten. You where the odd ducks, most kids and adults always considered you to be cold or judging. Even if neither of you had that intention. Jeremy raises his glass. Jeremy: “To intellectual companions.” George: “To intellectual friends.” You said as you raised your own drink in a toast. The weekend finally arrived for the trip. You arrived at O’Hare airport with a good three hours to spare. You crack open the book you brought with you. It was a supernatural detective story you received as a gift on last birthday a few months back. While you applaud your sister for trying, it was still jarring to follow all the supernatural deus-ex-machinas that discarded real detective work. So that is how a 31 year old was reading a supernatural book in broad daylight. George: ‘ with gun drawn, Duskraven made her way down the basement, the surroundings smelled of blood and muck.’ Geroge: ‘Romano’s empire was now in full display in front of her. Fae, lined the walls, eyes hollow and only the movement of their chest indicating they were still alive.’ George: ‘Duskraven took out her polaroid camera, it was a risky but if this would ever have a chance to justice. Her leads and information would need to be solid if she wanted to take down the vampire cartel. She just hoped the light for the camera would be noticed.’ George: ‘With a blinding light the entire basement lit up temporarily blinding her, when she regained her sight again a new horror met her eyes. Multiple pairs of hungry red eyes.’ Jeremy: “George!” You tear your eyes away from the book in your hand. There is Jeremy and Katie, hand in hand. Seeing them together was always a happy occasion. Katie and Jeremy met at your favourite speakeasy a few years back. You didn’t blame your friend for becoming interested in the ICU nurse. Curly red hair and big blue eyes. Even if the courtship had started out rocky due to both of them being so shy. They overcame that hurdle and found something they wanted. Sometimes however you wished you didn’t feel like you were interrupting them. George: “Good morning, is Stephanie and her friends also here?” Katie: “No they had a sleep over at Daria’s house. So they will be carpooling.” You look at your clock and it was about two hours before the plane would take off, your bags where checked in and you were ready to leave and get to the section where the gates would be. But there was still no sign of Stephanie. As you though you heard a rumbling sound. Both you and Katie looked at Jeremy as a sheepish grim grew on his face. Katie: “Told you, a ham sandwich wouldn’t hold.” Jeremy: “It will hold till lunch, which is a few hours away.” George: “You sure that is a good idea?” Jeremy: “Tell you what, I’ll go if you come with me and Katie.” Katie: “So what do you say?” McDermott's · Sure, I could have a bite. (💎12) · Perhaps we shouldn’t Diamond Choice: George: “Alright, let us have something to eat.” Jeremy: “Good! Airplane food leaves much to be desired.” Katie: “You always think with your stomach.” Jeremy: “Yet you love me.” Katie: “Yes, odd isn’t it?” You make your way inside and stay in line. You look at the menu and order · Breakfast burrito · Bacon and scrambled eggs · Fruit and oatmeal You order your food along with a big coffee. You all slide into the booth, Katie had her yogurt in hand both of you looked worryingly at Jeremy’s breakfast. (Tilting tower of pancakes) (Holy crap!) You swore for a moment both you and Katie was reading each other’s mind. ‘He is going to puke.’ George: “Hey Jeremy, think you can get some napkins?” Jeremy: “Sure.” As he left you plied a few pancakes away, making sure that you saved the top one so he wouldn’t notice. Katie making sure the tower didn’t fall. She gave a thumbs up, thanking you. George: “So Katie, how have you been?” Katie: “There is always a lot of things to do at the ICU, sometime I wonder where humanity is headed.” George: “Really, that bad?” Katie: “How would you explain having a locomotive lodge up your rectum?” George: “How did that happened?” Katie: “They claim they fell on it, if I had a dollar every time this happened I wouldn’t have any student debts.” You shake your head, you have been thinking a bit about what Jeremy said at the Speakeasy. You had also noticed that something was up with Katie, she was on edge. George: “Katie…” 1.“Did you want to go on this trip?” 2.“Has Mr and Mrs Jackson been pressuring you?” 3.“Do you want to get married?” Katie: “In all honesty no, but Stephanie has made me a bridesmaid. I need to partake in these things. Even if I wish I didn’t.” *Choice 1\* George: “Why?” *Choice 1\* Katie: “I wish I could care as little about protocol as you do, but she is Jeremy’s sister, if I say no it might affect my relationship with Jeremy and his family.” *Choice 1\* Katie: “Yes, I mean no, I mean… it’s complicated.” *Choice 2\* George: “How come?” *Choice 2\* Katie: “I’m 30 years old George, time is ticking. They want grandchildren to spoil.” *Choice 2\* George: “And you have to be married to do that?” *Choice 2\* Katie: “Of course I love Jeremy.” *Choice 3\* George: “That wasn’t the question, do you want to get married?” *Choice 3\* Katie: “It is just so big, all those expectations. I… it scares the crap out of me.” *Choice 3\* George: “Listen, I will tell you something.” You said using your stern voice. George: “Jeremy loves you, he chose you. You chose him. That is the truth at the end of the day.” Katie looked at you, a shy smile graced her lips. She mouthed a thank you. Jeremy made his way back to you with a great pile of napkins. You all begin to take part of the meal. During the entire meal Katie and Jeremy’s shoulders touched and they looked as content as they could be. (‘Loving it’ you had breakfast at McDermott) None diamond choice: George: “Let us just sit down and relax, we should be in Las Vegas at 1 am. Knowing Stephanie we will probably eat something there before heading to the hotel.” Katie: “Maybe, I’ll get some water at least.” Jeremy: “Good idea.” (‘Not hungry’ you didn’t have a McDermott breakfast) As all of you wait for the supposed ‘bride’ you hear commotion. Sure enough you see a brunette with a close to permanent scowl on her face. Followed but two very flustered women. “There you are! WHERE have you been?!” Her tone is as pleasant as you remember, nails on a chalkboard. Jeremy: “We have been here waiting for you.” Stephanie: “You aren’t even going to help me with my bags. What type of brother are you?” Jeremy: “Well we are here, we have about half an hour before the plane leaves. So let’s get to the gate.” Stephanie just huffed. Storming away. George: “Wow she is in a good mood.” You state sarcastically. Jeremy: “Yeah she gets like that some time.” Jeremy: “Just try not to set her of, she can be a handful.” Katie: “I mean how bad could it possibly be?” You were never the very superstitious type, but you were quite sure that Katie just opened Pandora’s Box. From the time the plane touched ground in Nevada everything that could set of Stephanie did. Stephanie: “URRGH!!! where is that shuttle! He is LATE!!” Jeremy: “They told us like five minutes ago there is traffic jam.” Stephanie: “Then he should have planned it earlier!” Stephanie: “I will not wait an hour! WE have a schedule to follow!” George:’ This coming from the woman that almost missed the plane to her own bachelorette party.’ Daria: “They say it is only another 15 minutes.” Stephanie: “I DON’T CAREEEEE!” Stephanie: “What do you mean that our suits where not booked?” Receptionist: “You never sent in the deposit for your stay.” Stephanie: “THAT WAS GEMMA’S JOB!” Gemma: “I told you, the suits needed to be paid for by the same person that booked them.” Stephanie: “You are a bridesmaid, you are supposed to make things work!” George: ‘Honetly…’ George: “Sigh…” Stephanie: “THIS ISN’T WHAT I ORDERED!” Waitress: “Yes it is, you wanted a calamari.” The poor waitress looked exhausted and probably wanted to be anywhere but here, not that one could blame her. Stephanie: “NO IT ISN’T! I wanted the pasta with bacon and cheese.” Katie: “A cabonara?” Jeremy: “Stephie we are at a seafood restaurant.” George: ‘IS she ever satisfied?’ All of us where back at the hotel, Stephanie insisting that they ‘needed’ a new set of clothes for the casino and club they were planning on hitting. Jeremy looked ready to just give up. George: “You know, you could simply say no to her.” Jeremy threw an exhausted glair at me. Jeremy: “If it was so simple neither me, you nor Katie would be here right now.” George: “And you wouldn’t be here doing this Sisyphean task, which obviously brings you missery.” Jeremy: “Yeah well, I still want my parents in my life, if I didn’t do this, they would never let me live it down.” What to wear to the casino? · Tuxedo 007 (💎 15) · Basic black Diamond option: Jeremy: “You look like James Bond.” George: “I’ll have a martini, shaken not stirred.” You said and an amused smile spread across Jeremy’s face. None diamond choice “I Think I’ll stick with this.” “Fair enough, I am too exhausted to care anyway.” Jeremy said with a tired smile. You both left the room, making our way to one of the pulsing centres of the strip. There in the golden casinos you thought finally your luck would finally turn for the better. That the glamorous atmosphere would rub off on the soon-to-be bride. Causing her to stop doing her impression of a screeching barn owl and let ALL of them enjoy Sin City. Well it seemed to have worked, for now. Both you and Jeremy where at the black jack tables, enjoying yourself. While the ladies were back at the slots machines. Jeremy folded a while ago, it is just you and one more. You looked down at your cards a jack and an ace. You opponent opposite you had this confident smirk on his face. But you saw how the sweat was running down his face. He was bluffing. George: “Hum…”
Act as if you have a bad hand
Act arrogant and self-assured
Do not react at all and watch the man squirm
You decide to let your brows furrow in what would look like frustration. The man opposite you lets the edge of his mouth turn in a smirk. His confidence boosting with every minute. *Choice 1* You decide to put on the theatrics, giving a smile like the cat that ate the canary you look at your opponent. That is growing more and more agitated by the minute. *Choice 2* You keep your face natural, a lot of people often comment that you look angry whenever they see you. You could only assume it was true because your opponent was practically squirming in his seat. *Choice 3* When he reviles his hand, you pause for a moment before reviling yours. You won. George: “I’ll be taking these.” You said as you dragged them back chips and split them evenly between you and Jeremy. You had started with the same amount of tokens. Even if you did work with money daily, this was one of those occasions you allowed yourself to be a bit more relaxed regarding that subject. Jeremy: “Nice one.” George: “All in a day’s work.” Jeremy: “So what next?” Before you could answer you hear commotion from the opposite side of the casino. The screeching voice meant that Stephanie was somewhere in the middle of it. Both of you sigh, knowing that your happy hour was over. Sure enough there at the era leading into one of the shows where Stephanie and her entourage, all of them except Stephanie wearing baby pink dresses and Stephanie herself wearing a sash reading ‘all hail the bride’ along with a tacky tiara probably worth a five dollar bill at most. She was screaming at a bouncer, while all the others tried in vain to calm the soon-to-be bride. Stephanie: “You are an idiot! What service is this!?” When we had arrived there was already an audience forming. Yeah this was common whenever Stephanie was involved. ‘Drama Queen’ had been your nickname for her during high school for a reason. Jeremy: “What happened?” Bouncer: “Your friend here slapped one of your dancers, something about them stealing from them.” Stephanie: “I am the BRIDE! I am not supposed to have to pay for anything during my bachelorette party.” Jeremy: “Stephanie, what about we get some fresh air, okay?” Jeremy said as he tried to deescalate the situation. He gently grabbed her arm, but Stephanie was having none of it. It felt like it all happened in slow motion, Stephanie turned around and a closed fist and rage connected it with Jeremy’s face. Your friend flew back and hit his head on the floor pretty hard. Stephanie didn’t even care to check what state her brother was in. Katie flew to her fiancés side and the sight of your friend’s bleeding face was enough to make you see red. George: “Alright enough.”
Give her the evil eye
George: “Stephanie, you are way out of line.” *Choice 1* Stephanie: “No I am not!” *Choice 1* George: “You have taken no responsibility during this trip, you have been rude to every member of the party, you have caused a scene at every place we have been to. Do I need to keep going?” *Choice 1* Your voice is like ice, you swear the temperature just dropped a few degrees. As you pointed out everything she has done during the less than 24 hours you been together. *Choice 1* Stephanie looks angrily at her bridesmaids as is she is waiting for them to defend her. *Choice 1* They do not, they know you are just stating the truth. *Choice 1* George: “Your own brother did not want to be on this trip, he begged me to come along. Doesn’t that tell you just how vile you have been acting?” *Choice 1* Stephanie: “You listen here…”*Choice 1* George: “No you listen for once in your life!” *Choice 1* You rarely let your emotions out but Stephanie was a special case. *Choice 1* George: “If this is how you treat people, do not be surprised when Darren leaves you at the altar. He deserve better than this.” *Choice 1* With that as a closing line you left, Jeremy might need to get to the hospital. He was worth more than Stephanie would ever be in your eyes. *Choice 1* As you leave you are quite sure you hear someone applauding. *Choice 1* With determined steps you made your way to one of the waitresses. *Choice 2* George: “Excuse me.” *Choice 2* You hand her a 50 dollar bill as you grab a big jug glass filled with beer and briskly walk back to Stephanie that is still screaming profanities. Because of her back being turned to you she didn’t see you. You saw how people began to take out their cameras and phones. No one made a move to stop you. *Choice 2* With one quick movement you had poured it over her and a shriek of surprise entered your ears. *Choice 2* Stephanie: “What the fuck is wrong with you!?” *Choice 2* George: “Are you done with your little temper tantrum?” *Choice 2* Stephanie: “What!? How dare you!” *Choice 2* George: “You have been acting like a spoiled five year old since the moment we landed. I am surprised no one has done anything until now.” *Choice 2* Stephanie: “You are so not coming to my wedding!” *Choice 2* George: “It isn’t a loss, I was never here for you. Now excuse me I have more important things to deal with.” *Choice 2* You left Stephanie to deal with the people that had gathered for the ‘show’ and she began to scream at them and calling them all sorts of names. But no one was intimidated, they found it hilarious. *Choice 2* You grab hold of Stephanie, until she has no choice but to look at you. She is screeching, calling you every slur and bad name in the book. Your hands are firm on her upper arm, you just hold no squeezing, no pushing. You keep your eyes locked on her, you must have stood there quite a while until finally her defiant stare became weaker and weaker. *Choice 3* You kept hold of her until she burst out into tears. At that point you let her go. Knowing you had knocked her down a peg. *Choice 3* But Stephanie wasn’t your main concern, Jeremy was. You moved to stay with Katie and Jeremy, the crowd parted as the red sea as you walked by. All in stunned silence. *Choice 3* George: “Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Jeremy grimaced at the questing, blood still trickling down his face from where he had been punched. Luckily the nose would heal, the only question was what colour it would be in time for Stephanie’s wedding. Jeremy: “I’ll be fine, Katie is here too. She knows what she is doing.” Katie: “Having your fiancé being a nurse does have its perks huh?” Jeremy: “Yeah one of many.” The two of them smile at one another, before Jeremy turn back to you. Jeremy: “Think you can manage your own?” George: “I think I can stay out of trouble for one night.” Jeremy: “Maybe, see you tomorrow George.” Katie: “Have a nice night.” With that the two of them made their way up to the hotel rooms. You decided to check out the hotel bar. Despite being 10 o’clock it was surprisingly empty. Some people where there, some having already had a few to many. But what caught your eye was a stranger sitting at the end of the bar. There sitting in a knee-length ocean blue dress was a woman, leaning over resting her elbows at the counter. She had a faraway look in her face as she absentmindedly stirred her drink. *♀* There sitting a young man, nursing his drink. His blue vest and slacks combo suited him well with the crisp white shirt. His attention seeming being elsewhere. *♂* You sit down by the bar and is about to call on the bartender when I noticed a man, clearly intoxicated made a move on the man/woman at the end of the bar. Drunk Idiot: “Hello there, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” The person in question just rolled hehis eyes. Clearly not in the mood to be the object of drunk admiration. Drunk Idiot: “How about you and me go up to my hotel room and get to know each other a bit more.” Haven seen the man/woman in question do every none-verbal que but slapping the idiot you decide enough was enough. He had disturbed you and the rest of the bar enough. With the smoothest and coolest tone of voice you could muster you cleared your throat to get the drunk man’s attention. It wasn’t appreciated to say the least. Drunk idiot: “What the hell do you want prick.” The smell of alcohol radiating off him, one would think he had bathed in vodka. It was surprising no one had tossed him out from being a nuisance earlier. George: “I do believe that you are bothering him/her. Please stop.” George: “Look we are old friends, its noneofya business so bug off.” George: “Oh really, then what is your friends name?” Drunk Idiot: ”What?” George: “What. Is. your. friend’s. name? If you are old friends you should surely know it.” Drunk Idiot: “It’s ummm… Terry.” ???: “That is not even close.” With both of you staring straight into him, mentally cornering him. Drunk idiot: ”Screw this.” The man declared in frustration and with that the idiot stormed off leaving both of you alone. After making sure the guy was out of sight you turned back to the stranger. He/She gave you a grateful smile. ???: “Thanks’ I really appreciate that?” George: “It was nothing.” You said making yourself ready to go back to your seat. ???: “Wait!” The stranger called after you, out of sheer politeness you turned back around. He/she Seemed a bit nervous, what now? ???: “Can I at least buy you a drink?” You thought for a moment. You were on your own, Jeremy was probably nursing the bruise with some painkillers and you did not want to risk running into Stephanie or any of the bridesmaids. It also felt wrong to not take the opportunity to experience Vegas however. So you accepted. ???: “Well What’s your poison?” He/she asked in a joyous tone.
With a quick wave they called the bartender over. ???: “So what brings you to Vegas?” George: “Bachelorette party.” ???: “Did it have anything to do with that brunette that slapped one of the dancers and had security physically lift her out?” George: “Bingo.” ???: “No one got seriously hurt?” George: “Thankfully no.” With that the bartender served the drink and the stranger slipped a 50 dollar bill. You lift the glass in a gesture for a thank you. And let the beverage slip down your throat. It was nice, it was a good year and the taste was strong but not overpowering. You noticed that his/her eyes were on you, almost as if they were trying to decipher your character. George: “What are you doing?” ???: “Trying to get a read on you, some say what you order is often an indication of who you are.” George: “Really? Then what can you say about me?” You asked, deciding to humour them. ???: “I can say that that you are a man that know what he wants and how you want them.” *Martini* ???: “You are an old soul, you probably know your liquor well. My guess you have a great library at home.” *Old fashioned* ???: “You are quite classy, and you can find a way to get drunk before noon.” *Red wine* With that you give an amused chuckle. George: “Well there is some truth to that statement.” You take a look at the drink they self are nursing. (Dark n Stormy) (Humm...) George: “If I were to do the same to you, I guess you have a sweet tooth and might have wanted to be a pirate at some point.” At that comment the stranger began to laugh. It was the infectious kind of laugh that made someone warm form the bottom of their stomach. ???: “Alright you got me there.” He/she then stuck out their hand. (My name is..) (Default name: Skyler) George: “‘Skyler’ it is a pleasure to meet you.” You said as you shook it. You take in Skyler’s look. You had to admit that they were an attractive specimen of a man/woman. George: “The name is George Bishop.” Skyler: “George Bishop, how professional sounding.” He/ she said as if they were tasting your name in their mouth. George: “Well I do hope so, would be difficult to be an advisor if people believed I was a joker.” Skyler: “Ah, so you are one of those people that look at you and stamp ‘rejected’ on every paper?” George: “I believe that I am fair in my judgement.” George: “How about yourself?” At that their eyes fell. Skyler: “Right now, I’m a 30 year old trying to figure out my next move.” George: “How come?” Skyler: “Lost my job due to relationship issues between my manager and her boyfriend. Apparently, me being friendly was mistaken for flirting.” Skyler: “What, they want a grumpy Greeter at the door?” George: “That is unprofessional.” Skyler: “Yeah, well relationships are messy.” George: “Agreed.” Skyler: “I must say the way you handled that woman, it was surprising.” Skyler said in a genuinely impressed voice. George: “You were watching?” Skyler: “Kind of hard not to, I’m surprised half the hotel didn’t hear her.” George: “Someone had to show her she isn’t the Queen of Sheba.” Skyler: “What are your thought on marriage?” You shoot up a bit, a bit startled by the blunt question. George: “My thoughts?” Skyler: “You seem like a guy that know what he thinks. I want to pick that brain a bit.” It had been a while since someone had so blatantly flirted with you. To be fair you were a bit surprised. Dating had often been a minefield for you. George: “Marrige…”
It’s an institution
It’s a partnership
George: “Historically it was a way to ensure land, money and heirlooms where added into a new household.” *Choice 1* George: “It was also a safety for children back in the day, since basterds often faced quite a few challenges from being born out of wedlock.” *Choice 1* George: “It is a symbol of trust, that you do have someone that you can count on.” *Choice 2* George: “But at the end of the day, if you are unfair to that partner hey might not stay.” *Choice 2* George: “To describe marriage is like trying to describe oceans and water. Even with similarities we can see, gathering it all in an explanation would probably not give a fair judgement.” *Choice 3* Skyler: “To me it’s a promise. ‘To have and to hold’ it is silly in this day and age were people divorce left and right for trivial things.” Skylers eyes became dark, falling into deep thoughts. You had never been the poetic kind, but there was a sweet sentiment in Skyler’s view on things. Your parents where still married over 30 years now. Your sister was due some time in December, your brother was off celebrating a two year dating anniversary and your paternal grandmother still loved her deceased husband dearly. To you it just never happened, perhaps it wasn’t for you. George: “That we can agree on, people are so afraid they will settle. At the first sign of trouble they leave.” Skyler: “So that woman form before… how long do you think her marriage will last?” George: “If she acts like she did tonight, I wonder if her husband will even stay for the ceremony.” You looked at your new companion and in an unusual turn of events you called the bartender over. George: “Can I buy you a drink?” With that Skyler smiled, deciding to keep you company. Sometime later you awake to the sound of your alarm clock. You feel a splitting headache, you drag you hand over your face as you do you feel a cold metal band around your finger. Pulling back as your eyes focus you see that it is a plain sliver coloured band. (is that?) · Oh no… Feeling more sober than ever before you realised just what a mess you got yourself into. George: ‘I just got married in Vegas.’ Well, you’re screwed.
40 Best Songs of All Times About Poker, Dice, Cards and Addiction
40. Go Down Gamblin’ - Blood Sweat and Tears
Released in 1971, Go Down Gamblin’ by Blood Sweat and Tears is a song describing a gambler who is “born a natural loser.” He never wins, no matter what game he plays, but, he doesn’t feel like a loser. As the song goes – “Cause I've been called a natural lover by that lady over there, Honey, I'm just a natural gambler but I try to do my share.”
39. Gambler - Madonna
Gambler is a song written and played by Madonna, made for the film Vision Quest. Although the song reached the top 10 in the charts of the UK, Australia, Belgium, Ireland, Netherlands, and Norway, Madonna performed it only once on her 1985The Virgin Tour. It’s a catchy song, we suggest you play it as you spin the reels of some of your favourite retro online slots.
38. The House of the Rising Sun - The Animals
Our list wouldn’t be complete without the 1964 hit song - The House of the Rising Sun by The Animals. Everybody knows the famous lines ”My mother, she was a tailor, sewed these new blue jeans, my father was a gamblin' man way down in New Orleans.” This single had a major success and made it to the top 10 songs on mainstream rock radio stations in the USA. Likewise, the hit was featured in the video game Guitar Hero Live.
37. The Winner Takes It All - ABBA
Whether we admit it or not, we all love at least some songs played by the very well-known Swedish pop group, ABBA. According to some sources, Bjorn Ulvaeus wrote the 1980 hit song The Winner Takes It All which was inspired by his divorce to his fellow band member, Agnetha Fältskog. The winner takes it all is a sort of a comparison to a divorce (especially the part ”I've played all my cards and that's what you've done too, nothing more to say, no more ace to play”), where one of them is the winner and the other one is left with nothing. And things are just the same when it comes to gambling, so we’ve decided to put the song on our list.
36. Shape of my Heart - Sting
We’re all aware of the fact that our gambling behaviour can be influenced by certain types of music and that's because online gambling and music go hand in hand. So, we suggest you start playing your preferred games with one of everyone’s favourite songs by Sting called The Shape of my Heart. It was released in 1993 and used for the end credits of the film Léon. In one of his interviews, Sting explained that the lyrics of the song tell the story of a card player who places bets not in order to win but to figure out something that’s been bothering him - “some kind of scientific, almost religious law.”
35. All I Wanna Do Is Play Cards - Corb Lund
“Well, I guess I really oughta be makin up songs but all I wanna do is play cards. I know it's dumb and sick and wrong but all I wanna do is play cards. Got the studio booked in Tennessee, and my record producer's callin me, the tape will roll in just three weeks and all I wanna do is play cards.” Does it sound familiar? It’s a 2005 hit by Corb Lund called All I Wanna Do Is Play Cards, once you hear it you’ll be playing it on repeat.
34. Gambling Man - The Overtones
When you’re falling in love, it’s perfectly normal to feel like you want to gamble everything just to attract that person’s attention to notice you and love you back. Well, Gambling Man is a lively 2010 song that tells a story of a guy fascinated with his love, so he places all his bets on her, as the song goes - “I played my hand, I rolled the dice, now I'm paying for my sins, I got some bad addiction.” This time, he feels that this love affair is different from any other – “Baby, it's you, yeah, yeah, that's right.” The song was released in 2010 and has been popular ever since.
33. Poker Face - Lady Gaga
Although the Poker Face song is more about the game of romance rather than the game of poker, the catchy refrain that starts with “Can't read my, no he can't read my poker face” kinda reminds us of winning at the tables, so we couldn’t skip it this time. Released in 2008, the song achieved worldwide success, topping the charts in the USA, the UK, Australia, Canada and several European countries.
32. Little Queen of Spades - Robert Johnson
Moving on to the Little Queen of Spades, a song title by the American blues musician Robert Johnson who recorded the song in 1937 and first released it in 1938. The first version of this gambling-themed song has a playing time of 2:11, whereas the second one lasts 4s longer (2:15), and is considered an alternate take and first appeared on Johnson's album The Complete Recordings, in 1990.
31. Train of Consequences - Megadeth
Another great song Train of Consequences is the title created by Megadeth, released as the first single from their sixth studio album Youthanasia in 1994. The song was later included on their compilation albums and its music video was the 26th most played video on MTV. There’s this part of the song “No horse ever ran as fast as the money that you bet, I'm blowing on my cards and I play them to my chest” – which is about a person’s gambling problem, who realises something’s wrong with this lifestyle, but it still hunts him down. Could be just the thrill, but he just can’t stop playing.
30. Gambler - Whitesnake
Released on the album Slide It In (1984) and appearing on the compilation album Gold (2006), Gambler is the song by the British hard rock band Whitesnake. These words may sound familiar - “No fame or fortune, no luck of the draw, when I dance with the Queen of Hearts, a jack of all trades, a loser in love, it's tearing my soul apart”. And in case you’ve never heard it, we think you should give it a shot, the chances are you’re going to love it!
29. Gambling Man - Woody Guthrie
Now here’s one single from 1957 - Gamblin' Man. The song was taped live at the London Palladium and published as a double A side, with Puttin' On the Style. Reaching #1 in the UK Singles Chart in the summer 1957, it was “the last UK number 1 to be released on 78 rpm format only, as 7' vinyl had become the norm by this time.” Written by Woody Guthrie and Donegan, this gambling themed song was produced by Alan Freeman and Michael Barclay.
28. Roll of the Dice - Bruce Springsteen
According to Songfacts, Roll of the Dice was the first Springsteen’s song he didn’t write by himself. In fact, E Street Band’s pianist Roy Bittan helped with the music, while Springsteen was in charge of the lyrics, starting with – “Well I've been a losin' gambler, just throwin' snake eyes, Love ain't got me downhearted. I know up around the corner lies, My fool's paradise in just another roll of the dice.” After he broke up the E Street Band in October 1989, Springsteen wrote lyrics for the Roll of the Dice (with two other songs) and liked them to the point where he began writing and recording more songs.
27. Queen of Diamonds - Tom Odell
Here’s one song about a gambling fanatic who’s trying to satisfy his own addiction but also someone else, hoping it’s going to save him. Released in 2018, Queen of Diamonds is Tom Odell’s song from the album Jubilee Road, based on the local characters that inspired this British songwriter to include the whisky-soaked gamblers who regularly visited one betting shop.
26. The Angel and the Gambler - Iron Maiden
Now, this song may divide Iron Maiden fans and it’s most probably because of its repetitive lyrics that can be a bit annoying. The release we’re talking about is The Angel and the Gambler. Truth be told, the melody in general is very catchy and, even a bit similar to The Who in some moments. As the song was released in 1998 while Blaze Bayley was its frontmen, it’s missing the well-known high-pitch vocals from Bruce Dickinson.
25. Ramblin' Gamblin Man - Bob Seger
We’re moving on to a rock single from 1978 - Ramblin' Gamblin Man by Bob Seger. The author meets an old acquaintance, a professional gambler who happens to be a swagger. As such, he attracts people’s attention whenever he bets. Putting so much of his faith in the cards (rather than in people), he walks away every time, just before avoiding loss. Along the way, the narrator realises that, if you scratch beneath the surface, you’ll find he’s a very cynical man, who will never change. Another gambling-themed song worth mentioning by Bob Seger is Still The Same.
24. Blow Up The Pokies - The Whitlams
Blow up the Pokies is the next song on our list, played by The Whitlams. It is the second single by the group from their 4th studio album, Love This City. Released in the year 2000, the song became a hit and made it to number 21 on the ARIA Singles Chart. According to several resources, the lyrics written by singer Tim Freedman were inspired by the destruction he saw in original Whitlams bassist Andy Lewis's life, due to his gambling addiction.
23. A Good Run of Bad Luck - Clint Black
Now here’s one 1994-song packed with gambling-related terms. As you listen to A Good Run of Bad Luck, recorded by American music artist Clint Black, you'll have a bit of fun as you try identifying what all these gambling terms mean. The song is a bit fast and is about falling in love by using gambling metaphors. The main character is willing to spend a lot of money to win his special lady over and, although he has had a period of bad luck, he is not giving up – “I've been to the table, and I've lost it all before, I'm willin' and able, always comin' back for more.”
22. When You’re Hot, You’re Hot - Jerry Reed
Jerry Reed won a Grammy for the song When You’re Hot, You’re Hot which was released in 1971. Most people remember it as it was a major hit, ranked as number 1 in the country charts, also making its way up the Pop Top 40. It’s an enjoyable novelty song about the ups and downs of the gambling life, about one’s winning streak caught in an illegal game of Crap. Country star Jerry Reed also came up with a version The Uptown Poker Club in 1973.
21. Lawyers, Guns and Money - Warren Zevon
Next one up - Lawyers, Guns and Money is a song by Warren Zevon, the closing track on his album Excitable Boy, released in 1978. An edited version of this song was distributed as a single and found itself on the A Quiet Normal Life best of compilation on the CD and LP. The song goes like this - “I went home with a waitress the way I always do, how was I to know she was with the russians, too? I was gambling in Havana, I took a little risk Send lawyers, guns, and money Dad, get me out of this, hiyah!”
20. The Lottery Song - Harry Nilsson
According to the man in the 1972 pop-rock song The Lottery Song by Harry Nilsson, there's more than one way to get to Vegas. Addressing his lover, the narrator mentions a few different options for buying a ticket and going to Sin City – “We could win the lottery we could go to Vegas,” and “We could wait till summer, we could save our money” as well as “We could make a record, sell a lot of copies, we could play Las Vegas.”
19. Casino Queen - Wilco
Now here’s one black-humoured gambling-themed song, released in 1995 and titled after a casino. Featuring a dirty electric guitar, Casino Queen was composed by an American songwriter, Jeff Tweedy, who wrote this song after playing a game in a riverboat casino accompanied by his dad. Inspired by the event, the author wrote: “Casino Queen my lord you're mean, I've been gambling like a fiend on your tables so green.”
18. Have a Lucky Day - Morphine
Another song on our list that you simply must check out starts like this: “I feel lucky, I just feel that way, I'm on a bus to Atlantic City later on today. Now I'm sitting at a blackjack table and swear to God the dealer has a tag says, "Mabel." Hit me, hit me! I smile at Mabel, soon they're bringing complimentary drinks to the table.” Check it out yourself - it’s called Have a Lucky Day by Morphine.
17. Kentucky Gambler - Merle Haggard
Written by Dolly Parton and released in 1974, Merle Haggard’s Kentucky Gambler is another song on our ultimate gambling playlist that you should pay attention to. It’s about a miner from Kentucky who leaves his family to gamble, under the bright lights of Reno. Unsurprisingly, his winning streak comes to an end, and he loses all his winnings. All broke, he decided to return back home only when he arrived, he found out his wife was involved with someone else.
16. The Jack - AC/DC
The next song on our list will give you some adrenaline boost, for sure. It goes like this - “She gave me the queen, she gave me the king, she was wheelin' and dealin', just doin' her thing, she was holdin' a pair, but I had to try…” Sounds familiar? This song from the 1975s is called The Jack and is played by AC/DC and there’s no way you can skip it.
15. Blackjack - Ray Charles
Moving on to something a bit different - a melody that blackjack lovers can listen to as they play is Ray Charles’ Blackjack. Apart from being a good quality song from 1955, it carries an important message with an emphasis on how brutal the game of blackjack can be. Some sources say that Ray Charles wrote it after beating T-Bone Walker at a blackjack game session. Yet another Ray Charles’ famous song about gambling is called a Losing Hand.
14. Ooh Las Vegas - Gram Parson
“Ooh, Las Vegas, ain't no place for a poor boy like me”... is a song-into for Ooh Las Vegas which was written by Gram Parsons and Ric Grech. It was first released by Gram Parsons with Emmylou Harris in 1974. Playing this song would be perfect for the beginning of the road trip (i.e. to Las Vegas), especially if you have the energy to sing along.
13. The Stranger - Leonard Cohen
Published in 1968 and performed by Leonard Cohen, The Stranger appears in the The Ernie Game movie about a man released from a mental asylum. More appropriately, it is the perfect opening song in the 1971 Western McCabe & Mrs Miller, in which Warren Beatty plays a gambler. As you listen to this song (without watching the movie), it makes you see fascinating images of card games, smoky dreams, and concepts of risk versus safety.
12. Desperado - Eagles
Written by Glen Frey and Don Henley, Desperado song is one of The Eagles’ greatest hits from their 1973 album of the same name. The song features a classic tune while the ballad tells the story of a lone wolf imprisoned by his loneliness. As for the lyrics, they have loads of card references mentioning the queen of diamonds, the queen of hearts, and so on.
11. Huck's Tune - Bob Dylan
The next song on our list is about the risks of poker, money, and relationships, which are precisely what the movie Lucky You is all about. Does it ring a bell? That’s right, this 2007 song is called Huck’s Tune and is performed by Bob Dylan. Each of us can all relate to lines "You push it all in, and you've no chance to win, you play 'em on down to the end." Play the song and you’ll enjoy more than 4 amazing minutes of Bob Dylan. Likewise, Bob Dylan recorded Rambling, Gambling Willie and Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts, both excellent and both inspired by gambling.
10. Four Little Diamonds - Electric Light Orchestra
A song by the British rock band Electric Light Orchestra Four Little Diamonds was released in 1983 and found itself on the album Secret Messages. The single wasn’t so popular in the US, being only 2 weeks on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, at number 86, and number 84 in the UK. This song refers to the singer’s cheating lover who tricked him out of a ring which had 'four little diamonds' on it.
9. You Can't Beat The House - Mark Knopfler
Moving on to our next choice for the day, You Can’t Beat the House. It’s the third song on the Get Lucky studio album released in 2009 by British singer-songwriter and guitarist Mark Knopfler. The album and the songs received favorable reviews with the album reaching the top three positions on album charts in Denmark, Germany, Italy, the Netherlands, Norway, and Poland. The singer’s divine voice combined with beautiful music and lyrics goes like this – “You can't bear the house, you can't bear the house, tell the man somebody, you can't beat the house.”
8. Deck of Cards - Don Williams
Deck of Cards is a recitation song that tells the story of a soldier who gets caught while playing cards in church and then faces a sentence from a superior officer. The soldier defends his case, explaining he wasn't about to deal a hand of poker, but was rather confirming his faith with the cards. Performed by T. Texas Tyler, the song managed to become a major hit in the 1940s and 1950s. Also, Wink Martindale had an even bigger hit with his 1959 cover, with a successful version by Don Williams featuring Tex Ritter and Buddy Cole.
7. Gambler’s Blues - B.B. King
First recording of the song Gambler’s Blues by B.B. King was in 1966, and it was released in 1967. The song appears on the album Back in the Alley (1970). Some say gambling and blues go hand in hand, so if you (gambling fans) haven’t heard it, listen and see for yourself.
6. Tumbling Dice - Rolling Stones
One of our favourite songs on the list is Tumbling Dice, written by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. It tells the story of a gambler who can’t remain faithful to any woman. Being released in the 1970s and featuring a blues boogie-woogie rhythm, the song was and still is one of the greatest singles of all time. Rolling Stones also recorded Casino Boogie, and it’s from their 1972 album, Exile on Main St.
5. Luck Be A Lady - Frank Sinatra
The next song on our list is about a gambler who hopes that he will win a bet, the outcome of which will decide whether he is able to save his relationship with the girl of his dreams. You probably know what song we’re talking about; it’s called Luck be a Lady released in 1965 and performed by one of the most popular musical artists - Frank Sinatra.
4. Deal - Grateful Dead
Next one up is the song Deal. It was first performed by the Grateful Dead in 1971, as a regular part of the repertoire through their 1970's tour. Although being less common to the fans during the 1990s, the band continued to perform it. The singer opens with the message: “Since it cost a lot to win and even more to lose you and me bound to spend some time wondering what to choose,” that later kicks off with a chorus: “Don't let your deal go down...” Loser is another song first performed by the Grateful Dead in 1971 as well, heavily played during 1971 and 1972.
3. Ace of Spades - Motörhead
Ok, the next song is loaded with some great gambling verses like "The pleasure is to play, makes no difference what you say, I don't share your greed, the only card I need is the Ace of Spades" will definitely set you in the right mood for hitting some winning combinations. Released in 1980, the song was inspired by slot machines that the lead singer Ian Fraser “Lemmy” Kilmister played in London pubs.
2. Viva Las Vegas - Elvis
As soon as you start playing the second song from our playlist “Viva Las Vegas,” you’ll probably picture a huge casino and a great gaming atmosphere. Performed by the legendary Elvis Presley, the 1964-released song brings the glamour of the city, and its beat will get you in the mood for some serious gameplay. This song was written for the movie of the same name starring Elvis Presley, in which he plays a race car driver waiting tables at a hotel to pay off a debt. There’s this famous scene when he performs this song at the talent competition alongside many showgirls.
1. The Gambler - Kenny Rogers
Performed by the legendary country singer Kenny Rogers, The Gambler song is our number 1 - it's full of some betting advice that are relevant today, even though it was released more than 40 years ago, in 1978. Here’s how it goes… “If you're gonna play the game, boy you gotta learn to play it right, you've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.” These classic chorus lines were told from the first-person perspective inspired by a conversation the author had with an experienced poker player on a train. Written in the form of poker metaphors, Schlitz wrote the tune in honor of his late father. Johnny Cash is also among other musicians who recorded The Gambler in 1978, on Gone Girl.
(Main Series) Friendship is Magic #1-4 The Return of Queen Chrysalis (Major Storyline) Main Characters - Mane 6, CMC, Chrysalis Summary - Queen Chrysalis has returned, replaced all the citizens of Ponyville with changelings, and kidnapped the CMC. Will the our heroes be able to stop her before it is too late? Or will rising tensions between the friends spell out their doom? Quick Review - A worthy introduction to the comics with some fun character moments. Any comic drawn by Andy Price is worth checking out for the art alone. Chrysalis literally throws a kitten at a wall and it explodes into blood. 6/10 FiM #5-8 Nightmare Rarity (Major) (Highly Recommended) Characters - Rarity, Mane 6, Luna, Spike Summary - Rarity is overcome by insecurity and the fear that she doesn't provide enough to the group, and allows herself to be corrupted by Nightmare. As her friends rush to save her, Luna must overcome her own guilty past in order to defeat it again in the present. Quick Review - Nightmare Rarity's design is superb. So are the moon denizens. Katie Cook's writing style can lean into the absurd sometimes, but she knows how to do an emotional moment. We see how Luna earned her flowing mane. Spike saves the day. Trixie gets a few lines. 8/10 FiM #9-10 Zen and the Art of Gazebo Repair (Highly Recommended) Characters - Big Mac Summary - Big Mac has to find nails to fix his gazebo during the Summer Wrap-Up festival. But the world has other plans for him. Quick Review - Big Mac plays a wonderful comedic straight man. Seriously, the comic is hilarious, the art is amazing, and Big Mac is a chad. Dude has to fight off like four different mares fawning over him, including Luna. He just wants to repair his gazebo, for god's sake. 9/10 FiM #11-12 (Neigh Anything) Characters - Cadance, Shining Armor, Biff Tannen Summary - Discover the romantic tale of how Cadance and Shining Armor came to be. Can Shining Armor prove himself worthy to Cadance? Will she choose him over High School Gigachad Buck Withers? Probably. Quick Review - I enjoy it. Not much to say. Shining Armor belts out some Oingo Boingo for Cadance, and lord knows there is nothing more romantic than singing about how much you love little girls. (6.5/10) Annual 2013: Equestria Girls (The Fall of Sunset Shimmer) Characters - Sunset Shimmer, Celestia Summary - Sunset Shimmer is a magical prodigy. But Celestia will not further her teachings, because despite her prowess, the young sorcerer has much to learn. Sunset believes otherwise. Quick Review - To everyone clamoring for a proper Sunset backstory and motivation I am proud to announce that this is not it. It's unbelievably vague and generic. It pains me as a massive Shimmerfriend. Also, all the human designs look like ayy lmaos. More so than the show. Hopefully they pick it up in the next EqG comic... (3/10) FiM #13-14 (My Little Pirate) Characters - Fluttershy, Mane 6, Hoofbeard Summary - Fluttershy has become too attached to a fish she rescued, and regrets letting it go. So when a dangerous pirate arrives looking for a crew, she take it is an opportunity to reunite with her fish. Also a pirate adventure thing, Hoofbeard seeks a treasure behind a perilous journey. Quick Review - Utterly forgettable. I really cannot be bothered to reread it for a review. It was okay I think? (5/10) FiM #15-16 (The Book Worm) Characters - Twilight, Mane 6 Summary - A magical bookworm begins devouring his way through Twilight's library. That wouldn't be such an issue (except to Twilight), if the characters from to books didn't begin popping up in the real world. Now Twilight and co must take down the bookworm in it's own domain: The Realm of Books. Quick Review - I like Pinkie's fantasy world. Another just okay one. Lotta references to other media. Marvel, LoTR, Disney shlock, you get the idea. The void had some solid character moments for Twilight and Rainbow. (6/10) Friends Forever #1: Pinkie & Applejack Characters - Take a guess Summary - In the issue, Applejack and Pinkie Pie enter a baking contest, and culinary hijinks ensue. Quick Review - Rough start for FF. Predictable and silly. Art here is really not good. However, it does have Guy Fieri pony. (3/10) Friends Forever #2: CMC & Discord (Highly Recommended) Characters - CMC, Discord Summary - Discord takes the crusaders to increasingly dangerous dimensions in their search for a cutie mark. Quick Review - This one is super sweet. Some of the best Discord showing in the series. The CMC being some of the only ponies to understand and show gratitude towards Discord for his effort is so damn heartwarming. (8/10) Friends Forever #3: Celestia & Spike (Highly Recommended) Characters - Celestia, Spike Summary - Spike wants to get Twilight something nice for her birthday, but the gift he settled on turns out to be slightly hard to come by. He enlists Celestia's help in getting the gift for her student, a gift found deep in the dangerous Crystal Mountains. Quick Review - By far my favorite portrayal of Celestia. Lot of nice and touching dialogue between her and Spike, and some insight on Celestia's mindset as a ruler and teacher. Shame they went further down the "Celestia is an incompetent and petty klutz" route later on. (8/10) FiM #17-20 (Reflections) (Major) (Recommended) Characters - Mane 6, Celestia, Starswirl, Sombra Summary - Celestia has been secretly visiting another dimension for quite some time. A world where good is evil, and evil is good, and she has fallen madly in love with the benevolent King Sombra. A world where she and Luna are villains threatening to take over both dimensions. And it's all her fault. Quick Review - This one is super polarizing. For me, it's a collection of great ideas utilized poorly. The mirror dimension is a very interesting concept that I wish would be re explored. And i'm content with all the characters. But the climax, touching as it maybe, kinda dampens this one for me. Still, (7/10) Friends Forever #4: Twilight & Shining Armor Characters - ^^^^^ Summary - Twilight Sparkle is worried her and Shiny have drifted apart since their foalhoods. An opportunity presents itself to rekindle when her and Shining Armor team up to catch a ghost that haunts the Crystal Empire palace. Quick Review? - Turns out, there are a lot of FF comics, and a lot of them are pretty inconsequential. There are only so many times I can say, "It was cute. I liked it." before that gets redundant. So unless I have something more to say, i'm gonna reduce these to just Rating and Summary. Pretty good tho. (6/10) Friends Forever #5: Fluttershy & Zecora Summary - Fluttershy and Zecora try to figure out why Fluttershy can suddenly hear her animal friends talk. Spoilers: It was Discord. Go figure. Rating - (4/10) Friends Forever #6: Rainbow Dash & Trixie Summary - Rainbow Dash is called upon by a newly crowned Queen Trixie to perform for a kingdom of Diamond Dogs. Turns out being Queen isn't all its cracked up to be. Rating - I mean, it's got Trixie. (6/10) FiM #21-22 (Manehattan Mysteries) (Recommended) Characters - CMC, Babs, Trixie, AJ, Rarity Summary - Doesn't need one. Trixie and Babs are in it. Go read it. Quick Review - The relationship between Babs and Trixie here and they parallels they draw from each other are pretty great. I always love those kinds of strange character interactions. (7/10) Friends Forever #7: Pinkie & Luna Summary - Princess Luna seeks Pinkie Pie's help in making ponies laugh so she can participate in a Royal Event. Rating - (6/10) Friends Forever #8: Applejack & Rarity Summary - Typical Rarijack episode, road trip edition. Rating - It introduces those stupid bull cowboys. For that (4/10) FiM Issue 23 (Pets to the Rescue) Characters - Angel, Winona, Opalescence, Owliscious, Gummi, Tank Summary - When there owners are nowhere to be found, the pets team up and must set out to find their owners and assist them in whatever magical conundrum they may have found themselves in. Quick Review - I think the villain here would have been really interesting in almost any other scenario. Other than that, minimal dialogue, and the art isn't exceptional, so (5/10) Friends Forever #9: Granny & The Flimflam Bros Summary - Granny Smith helps Flim and Flam patch things up after they have a falling-out over a mare. Rating - This one is pretty wholesome. (7/10) FiM Issue 24 (Discord in Time) Characters - Discord, CMC, Flutters Summary - Discord take the CMC and Flutterbutter on an a journey through time to show them some animals. Hijinks ensue. Quick Review - Another really nice Discord issue. He isn't use to having all these friends and watching out for them in his chaos, so he drags them along in his dangerous adventures. He then immediately forgets this lesson. (7/10) Friends Forever #10: Fluttershy & Iron Will (Major) Summary - Fluttershy helps Iron Will with has marital problems. Rating - (6/10) Friends Forever #11: Rainbow Dash & Spitfire Summary - Rainbow Dash helps Spitfire overcome her greatest fear: Children. Rating - Art style is cute, but super jarring. (6/10) FiM #25-26 (The Good, the Bad and the Ponies) Characters - AJ, Mane 6, Bulls Summary - Doesn't matter. Quick Review - Don't read this one. Seriously, it's bad. Nothing really makes sense. Applejack has some sort of brain defect. Twilight arbitrarily cannot use her magic on Equestrian citizens. Even when they are dangerous criminals, apparently? (1/10) Friends Forever #12: Pinkie & Twilight Summary - Twilight tries to help Pinkie overcome her harrowing cocaine addiction. When that fails, Twilight starts doing coke herself to make the guilt go away. Pinkie stops doing coke for like five minutes, and Twi considers that a success. Rating - (4/10) Equestria Girls Annual 2014: Holiday Special Characters - Humane 6, Sunset Shimmer, CMC Summary - The holidays are nearing, and Sunnybun is feeling pretty down in the dumps. The girls try to cheer her up by inviting over for a few nights of debauchery. This cheers her up a bit. So, the Humane 5 go home on the shortbus and Sunny walks home, finally content with herself. Meanwhile the CMC decide that Sunset is keeping them from spending time with their sisters(?) and start a social media account in her name, called Anon-A-Miss, which they use to spread explicit photos of their sisters from the "sleepovers" and frame Sunset. Everyone in the school begin to tragically suffer from severe mental deficiencies and buy it immediately. Because the chick who just saved all of your sorry asses from soul sucking harlots like a week ago is going to post shit about her friends with her fucking face attached to the account. Quick Review - I really wish I could shit on this more, but I got quite a bit to get through. (-3/10) Friends Forever #13: Rarity & Babs Seed Summary - In the issue, Rarity must entertain Babs Seed when Sweetie Belle falls ill. Turns out Babs idea of entertainment is different than Rarity's. FiM #27-28 (The Root of the Problem) (Major) Characters - Mane 6, Bramble, King Aspen Summary - The Everfree spontaneously begins protruding into Ponyville. At the root of this problem, the druid-esque Deers who wish to reclaim the parts of their forest that were lost. Quick Review - The Deer are really neat, and having them be the night elves of Equestria is a fun concept. But the deer people kind of get the shaft, and most of the story focuses on the avaricious minotuar Well-to-do. (6.5/10) Friends Forever #14: Luna & Spike Summary - In the issue, Princess Luna enlists Spike's help in solving a dragon problem in Fillydelphia. Rating - Luna and Spike spend three pages together, and the rest of the story is focused on an annoying pink fangirl dragon. (4/10) Friends Forever #15: Applejack & Mayor Mare Summary - In this issue, politics are boring. Rating - (5/10) FiM Issue #29 (Ponymania XXIX) Characters - Cheerilee, Cherry Blossom Summary - Cheerilee reunites with her twin sister—one of the most famous wrestlers in Equestria. But when Cherry Blossom gets injured, Cheerilee is forced to take her place in the ring. Quick Review - As with most Jay Fosgitt's stuff, cute, but a lot of fluff and not much to carry an interesting story. (6/10) FIENDship is Magic #1: King Sombra (Major) (Highly Recommended) Characters - Sombra, Radiant Hope Summary - Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadance discover King Sombra's diary and learn of his rise to power. But before that, how he was a sickly outcast, a troubled young amnesiac whose only friend was the equally strange Radiant Hope, who still had imaginary friends. Quick Review - Much needed backstory for Sombra, and very well done at that. His connection to Radiant Dawn feels genuine, and his corruption by way of shitty crystal ball is absolutely tragic. My dude just wanted to go the Crystal Faire ): Also Princess Amore fucking dies. (9/10) FIENDship is Magic #2: Tirek (Recommended) Characters - Tirek, Scorpan, Sendak Summary - Tirek, young and ambitious, sneaks out of his royal families castle to visit the unhinged sorcerer Sendak to learn more about magic. Scorpan is worried about his brothers ambitions. Quick Review - Doesn't add much character depth to Tirek, but it's suitable. Presents a lot of cool ideas not explored as thoroughly as they could be. Leaves a lot up to interpretation and head canon. (7/10) FIENDship is Magic #3: Sirens (Non-Canon) Characters - The Dazzlings, Starswirl Summary - The fate of the world is determined by a music battle, and if the Dazzlings win, all is lost. This is not Rainbow Rocks. Quick Review - Not a single character acts in character, and while the other Fiendship issues are take themselves pretty seriously, this one is drastically different tonally and opts for comedy. Which really sucks, because I wanted actual backstories for the Sirens. Humor falls flat as well. (2/10) FIENDship is Magic #4: Nightmare Moon Characters - Nightmare Moon, Nyx (Not that Nyx) Summary - A recently banished Nightmare Moon attempts exacts revenge on Princess Celestia through the world of dreams. The Nyx, the keepers of the dreams, will not allow it. Quick Review - I much prefer Nightmare Moon as a manifestation of Luna's negative emotions over depictions a corrupting parasitic entity. Story is serviceable, a bit sad, nothing noteworthy. (6/10) FIENDship is Magic #5: Queen Chrysalis (Major) Characters - Twilight, Chrysalis Summary - The Mane Six visit the imprisoned Queen Chrysalis, who recounts her past exploits. Quick Review - Case of unreliable narrator here. Chrysalis implies that changelings are made of pure dark magic, which is an idea I actually quite like, but having them reform like they did would say otherwise. Story is sorta all over, like a Chrysalis anthology short. (6/10) Friends Forever #16: Diamond Tiara & Silver Spoon Summary - Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon compete against the Cutie Mark Crusaders in a scavenger hunt. Rating - Smokin' hot goth pony makes an appearance. (7/10) FiM #30-31 (Ponyville Days) Characters - Rarity, AJ, Twilight Summary - Civil War over a land dispute or something, can't really be bothered with this one. Quick Review - As far as I remember, this is one of the issues that gives everyone in Ponyville a crippling case of "has to wear a helmet while outside". Dumbing down characters to make a story work is obnoxious. (3/10) Friends Forever #17: Twilight & Big Mac Summary - Twilight takes a trip into Big Mac's brain to learn how to focus as well as he does. Rating - (7/10) Friends Forever #18: Rainbow Dash & Fluttershy Summary - Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy go to their flight camp reunion. Rating - Pretty adorable. (7/10) FiM #32-33 (Night of the Living Apples) Characters - Mane 6, Spike Summary - Apples take over Ponyville. Our heroes turn into bats. This is not a crackfic. Quick Review - Batpony designs are pretty damn cool. Story is whatever. (5/10) FiM #32-33 (Night of the Living Apples) Summary - Rarity gets carried away when she goes into business with Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Rating - (6/10) Friends Forever #20: Luna & Discord (Recommended) Summary - Princess Luna helps Discord when he has trouble sleeping. Rating - Neat character dynamic. Good stuff for Luna and Discord. (8/10) FiM #34-37 (Siege of the Crystal Empire) (Major) (Non-canon) (Highly Recommended) Characters - Sombra, Mane 6, Chryssi, Umbrums Summary - A mysterious new villain brings several of the series' past antagonists together to attack the Crystal Empire. Quick Review - I want to keep my gushing about this one brief. The umbrum design and lore are some of the best things to come out of the comics. This Sombra is infinitely better than the one in the show. I definitely didn't cry at the end because i'm a big boy. (9/10) Friends Forever #21: Spike & Zecora Summary - Spike and Zecora save Ponyville from a disease, and only they are immune. Rating - (7/10) Friends Forever #22: Celestia & Pinkie Summary - Princess Celestia tasks Pinkie Pie with making the perfect cake for Princess Luna's birthday party. Rating - Barely any Celestia. (4/10) Friends Forever #23: Applejack & Fluttershy Summary - Applejack and Fluttershy become involved in the search for a legendary creature called the Pigasus. They must keep its existence a secret. Rating - No Kirin (5/10) Friends Forever #24: Rarity & Gilda Summary - Gilda enlists Rarity's help in designing uniforms for a new sports team in Griffonstone. Rating - (6/10) FiM #38-39 (Don't You Forget About Us) Characters - CMC, Diamond Tiara, Snips, Snails Summary - The Cutie Mark Crusaders, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, Snips, and Snails become lost in the mountains during a class field trip. AB and Diamond Tiara are forced to learn how to work together. Friends Forever #25: Rainbow Dash & Twilight Summary - Rainbow Dash seeks Twilight Sparkle's help after her wings mysteriously vanish. Rating - Weird body horror. (7/10) Friends Forever #26: Shining Armor & Prince Blueblood Summary - Shining Armor is forced to work with Prince Blueblood on a diplomatic mission to Yakyakistan. Rating - Holy shit they made Blueblood redeemable. (8/10) FiM Issue #40 (Twilight meets Spike) Characters - Twilight, Spike Summary - You know, it's exactly how it sounds. Quick Review - Very cute. (7/10) Friends Forever #27: Pinkie & Granny Smith (Recommended) Summary - Pinkie Pie offers to help Granny Smith after she breaks her hip right at the start of cider season. Rating - Precious. (7/10) FiM Issue #41 (Rainbow Dash and the Very Bad Day) Characters - Zecora, Rainbow Summary - Rainbow Dash is being a c**t, and enrages literally everybody else in Ponyville. In other words, they captured her character just right in this one. Quick Review - I like rhyme schemes, but I hate bluefast. (4/10) Friends Forever #28 Princess Luna and the Cutie Mark Crusaders Summary - The Cutie Mark Crusaders assist Princess Luna during a foal slumber party at Canterlot Castle. Rating - I like bone pony. (6/10) FiM Issue #42 (A Pinkie Pie Story That Pinkie Pie Kinda Sorta Remembers) (Recommended) Characters - Rarara, Ponker Po Summary - Pinker Pop, still cooling off from her ten month long cocaine binge, tries to help Rarity make a gift for a friend very special to her. Quick Review - Very cute, very funny, cried. (8/10) Friends Forever #29 Rarity and Maud Pie Summary - Rarity assists Maud Pie in her rock science interests and helps her discover her inner enthusiasm. Rating - Nice Maud character development. (7/10) FiM Issue #43-45 (Ponies of Dark Water) (Major) (Recommended) Characters - Mane 6, Luna, CMC, Spike Summary - The Mane 6 bathe in cursed waters and become distorted versions of themselves. Pinkie Pie becomes a domestic terrorist. Quick Review - I like the part where Pinkie bombs a movie theater potentially killing dozens of ponies. Hilarious. (8/10) Friends Forever #30 Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadance Summary - Twilight Sparkle helps her sister-in-law Princess Cadance when she suffers from an unexplained lack of self-esteem. Rating - I quite like this little arc for Cadance. (7/10) Friends Forever #31 Rainbow Dash and Little Strongheart Summary - Little Strongheart seeks Rainbow Dash's help in finding a legendary creature called the Rainbow Crow. Rating - Little Strongheart, where ya been for six years dude? Beautiful art. (7/10) Friends Forever #32 Fluttershy and Daring Do Summary - Daring Do enlists Fluttershy's help in uncovering an ancient treasure. She must also face her arachnophobia. Rating - Better than the actual Flutters/Do episode. (7/10) FiM Issue #46-47 (Election) Characters - Twilight, Mayor Mare, Donald Trump Summary - Mayor Mare struggles in her bid for reelection, against definitely not Donald Trump guys I swear. Quick Review - Haha I lied, but like I totally got you though right? Like it was super subtle? I bet you didn't even catch on. (5/10) Friends Forever #33 Applejack and Cherry Jubilee Summary - Applejack learns the secret history of Cherry Jubilee. Rating - Cherry Jubilee is pretty hot. (6/10) FiM Issue #48-50 (Chaos Theory) (Major) (Recommended) Characters - Discord, Starlight, Mane 6 Summary - An astronomical event causes Discord to transform from a creature of chaos to a being of pure order. But not all is at seems with the newly minted Accord. Quick Review - Starlight gets one arc throughout all of these comics. luckily it's pretty good. She gets some good character growth. Accord is pretty god damn terrifying. Actual sound logic is used to best the villain, which is pretty rare. (8/10) Friends Forever #34 Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich Summary - Pinkie Pie and Cheese are eaten by a possessed party house. Seriously. Rating - (6/10) Friends Forever #35 Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer Summary - Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer's attempt to organize the books in the Castle of the Two Sisters turns into a battle of egos. Rating - This would have been much better is not illustrated by Fosgitt. It doesn't suit this more weighty type of story. (7/10) Friends Forever #36 Rainbow Dash and Soarin (Recommended) Summary - Rainbow Dash follows Soarin to a remote location to help him with a dangerous mission. Rating - Great Soarin and Spitfire moments. (8/10) Friends Forever #37 Rarity and Trixie Summary - Dude, it's got two of the best pones. Read it. Rating - (7/10) FiM Issue #51-53 (From the Shadows) (Major) Characters - Mane 6, Donut Steel Summary - The edgiest OC to ever exist begins to erase Equestrian history from books and minds, in fear of his heritage catching up to him. Quick Review - Super interesting villain motivation, terribly generic villain design. (7/10) My Little Pony: Deviations Characters - Prince Blueblood, Mane 6, Nightmare Moon Summary - Have you ever wondered what would have happened if Prince Blueblood was sent to Ponyville instead of Twiliight? No? Too bad, dude. Summary - I would have loved to have gotten more deviations. Read about Blueblood being an arrogant prick for half an hour. It's fine. (6/10) Friends Forever #38 Princess Celestia and Princess Luna (Recommended) Summary - Princess Celestia and Princess Luna's minor squabbling escalates just before they plan to participate in the Sisterhooves Social. Quick Review - Friends Forever Finale. Andy Price outdoes himself yet again. Hilarious and Heartwarming. (8/10) FiM Issue #54 (I Didn't Read This One) Summary - No seriously, didn't read it. Fosgitt, Fluttershy, fluff, the three F's of i'm going to be fucking bored. Maybe it's a masterpiece. I'll never know. FiM Issue #55-56 (Wings Over Yakyakistan) Characters - Rainbow, Rutherford, Ember, Spike, Pinkie Summary - When the dragons invade Yakyakistan over an ancient treaty, it's up to heroes to defend the Yaks and try and diffuse the situation. Spike doesn't like the idea of fighting his own kind. Quick Review - Let it be known that I would have been totally cool with the Yaks getting destroyed. Typical let go of the past, look to the future stuff. Rainbow's parents are here, and they are fun, and Spitfire gets a bit of extra love, so (7/10) FiM Issue #57 (Apinkalypse Now) Characters - Pinkie, Mane 6, Discord Summary - Pinkie Pie accidentally becomes trapped in Discord's realm. If you wanted to see more of Chaos Pinkie, then here you go. Quick Review - I really like the how the chaos dimension is shown in the comic, in that adapts to the current owner if they themselves can't be turned. You'll notice by this point the writers will do whatever in their power to make sure Starlight can be written out somehow. (7/10) FiM Issue #58 (The Vines That Bind) Characters - Twi, Flutts, Zecora, Cattail, Aqua Vine Summary - Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, and Zecora follow the notes of Mage Meadowbrook search for a flower said to cure any ailment. The search soon becomes an obsession for Twilight, determined to get her name in the history books. Quick Review - Dude, Twilight, you already saved the world at least seven times. That Magenta Bloom shit would just be a footnote. Overall pretty forgettable. (5/10) FiM Issue #59 (Pie in the Sky) Characters - Rainbow, Pinkie Summary - Jesus Christ Pinkie she doesn't fucking like pie. We had a whole episode about just this. We didn't need a comic to teach the same lesson. That's a;lso your review. (3/10) FiM Issue #60 (The Stars on Our Ponies) Characters - CMC, Gilded Lily Summary - The Cutie Mark Crusaders help a filly who doesn't want to follow in her family's footsteps. But she is scared to disappoint them if she does pursue her own interest. Quick Review - Gilded Lily's design is absolutely adorable. She also looks like she tastes pretty good, like Oranges n' Creme. Solid one-off. (7/10) FiM Issue #61-62 (Convocation of the Creatures!) (Major) Characters - Twilight, Raven Summary - Twilight Sparkle makes a discovery during the largest assembly of creatures in history that threatens to redraw the map of Equestria. Quick Review - Glenda canonically has a stutter, making her best changeling. Good bit of overbuilding in this one, without falling into the common trap of making the convocation feel too modern. (7/10) FiM Issue #63 (All in Marederation) Characters - Twilight, Pinkie, Temperance Summary - Ponyville gets swept by an anti-sugar movement that threatens to put Sugarcube Corner out of business. Quick Review - MLP's thinly veiled take on the Temperance Movement. Another one where all of Ponyville is turned into exceptional individuals. (4/10) FiM Issue #64 (Everything Old) (Recommended) Characters - Rarity, Fluttershy, Coco Pommel Summary - Fluttershy and Rarity travel to Manehattan, where Rarity discovers that old, ugly fashions are back in style. Quick Review - I absolutely adore the message here. Things you made when you were younger that you maybe embarrassed of now don't have to be cast aside and forgotten. Rather, look to them to see how you have improved and how you can still improve. Coco is a QT. (8/10) My Little Pony: Legends of Magic Annual 2018 (Major) (Recommended) Characters - The Pillars, Pony of Shadows Summary - The Pillars of Old Equestria face a new danger that tests their skills as a team. One that they may find feels a bit like a deja vu. Quick Review - I really like the relationship between Stygian and Rockhoof here. I wonder if Starswirl was always meant to be a dickhead? Green Pony of Shadows looks badass as fuck. Also, Somnambula is cute as hell. (7/10) Edit - Consider there are twelve of these. I am not awake enough to add them all. Read' em. They're pretty good lore stuffs. FiM Issue #65 (Queen for One Less Day) (Recommended) Characters - Celestia, Scarlet Petal Summary - Princess Celestia disguises herself to live among ordinary ponies for a day. But when her magical necklace is stolen by a thief, she may lose the ability to turn back into herself for good. Quick Review - I love this comic. Shows off the best parts of Celestia's character. I'm running out of synonyms for heartwarming, so just go read this one. (8/10) FiM Issue #66 (Applewood Follies) Characters - Mane 6 Summary - Twilight Sparkle and her friends discover that a film is being made about them. But when the director hands them the reins, they discover it's harder to make a movie than they thought. Quick Review - I'm really not a fan of more modern tech in Equestria. I don't mind it at all if it's used as a background gag, but here, where it's the plot of the comic, I just find it obtrusive. Ponyville Mysteries Issue 1 Characters - CMC, Nurse Redheart Summary - "Welcome to a new series of mystery and intrigue! The Cutie Mark Crusaders discover their inner detectives and solve crimes nopony else can! Will they be able to discover who is stealing supplies from Ponyville hospital and get their schoolwork done at the same time?" Quick Review - None of these are particularly engaging, so I won't review the rest. When I figure these mysteries out all by myself like the grown man I am I feel particularly proud, like I just solved a crossword puzzle they have on those Kiddie menus at iHop. Ponyville Mysteries Issue 2 Characters - CMC, The Dude Summary - "There's a major mystery at the... bowling alley? Ponyville's team is set to break a bowling record, but the alley keeps being ransacked by a mystery criminal! Will the Cutie Mark Crusaders be able to set the pins right and solve the caper?" Ponyville Mysteries Issue 3 Characters - CMC, Old People Summary - "The Cutie Mark Crusaders must solve a dangerous mystery at the Ponyville Retirement Village before it's forced to close! Is one of the curmudgeonly residents to blame or could it be a villain from their past?" FiM Issue #67-68 (Tempest's Tale) (Major) (Highly Recommended) Characters - Tempest, Cadance, Glitter Drops Summary - Tempest Shadow travels across Equestria to learn more about friendship and comes face-to-face with her past. Quick Review - These issues do wonder for Tempest's previously scarce character. If your a fan of Tempest, or especially if your not a fan of Tempest, check these out. Smug Cadance is best Cadance. (8/10) Ponyville Mysteries Issue 4 Characters - CMC, Applejack Summary - "The Cutie Mark Crusaders are trying to solve the case of the missing spa water! But what happens when all signs point to a member of a Crusader's own family being the culprit?" FiM Issue #69 (Magical Apple) Characters - Pinkie, Mane 6 Summary - Pinkie gets god powers. Again. Didn't we do this already? Quick Review - Oh, Pinkie, maybe someday somebody will figure out how to write you well again. (4/10) Ponyville Mysteries Issue 5 Characters - CMC, Rarity Summary - "The Crusaders have their biggest case yet when a priceless artifact belonging to superstar Songbird Serenade is stolen!" FiM Issue #70 (Extreme Bingo) Characters - Golden Horseshoe Gals, Rainbow, AJ Summary - Grannies Gone Wild 2! Quick Review - Grannies Gone Wild 2! (5/10) FiM Issue #71 (Happy Haunts) Characters - Student 6 Summary - Twilight Sparkle's School of Friendship students experience Nightmare Night in Ponyville for the first time. Things don't exactly go as planned. Quick Review - I hate this issue. Not because it's bad, but because we are teased with infinitely more interesting stories. I want to see the princesses on Nightmare Night, like the cover! I want to see Shim and Glim's NN, like on the first page! Fucking cocktease. (4/10) FiM Issue #72 (Pie in the Sky, Again) Characters - Pinkie, AJ, Pear Butter Summary - Applejack discovers an old Apple family pie recipe and seeks to recreate it for Granny Smith. Along the way, they meet ponies who her mom has touched in her life. I wouldn't mind being touched by Pear Butter. Quick Review - Standard. Wholesome. Sweet. (7/10) My Little Pony: Nightmare Knights (Major) (Highly Recommended) Characters - Luna, Stygian, Trixie, Capper, Tempest, Daybreaker, Eris Summary - Princess Luna assembles a team of former villains to face a new threat to Equestria. Quick Review - I cannot recommend this arc enough. Every single character gets a chance to shine. Stygian gets much need development. Eris and Daybreaker make a menacing evil duo. The villain casino makes a great setting. Sunset Shimmer gets a cameo. (Even though her and Starlight are once again shafted.) Capper absolutely steals the show. Tempest is a bit more brutish than she usually is, but as we don't know much about her anyway, that's a very minor gripe. (9/10) FiM Issue #73 (Copycats) Characters - Fluttershy, Twilight Summary - A magical amulet causes Fluttershy to become more animalistic. Quick Review - I have no idea what the fuck what went on in this issue or why. It's a mess. (3/10) FiM Issue #74 (On the Mane Stage) (Recommended) Characters - Zephyr, Fluttershy, Silverstream, Pixie Cut Summary - Fluttershy's brother Zephyr Breeze attends the All-Equestria Mane Styling Conference. Quick Review - Even Zephyr Breeze can snag a qtπ hairstylist gf. There is hope for us yet, bros. Could you tell i'm down a third of a bottle of Grey Goose by this point? (7/10) FiM Issue #75-78 (Major) (Recommended) Characters - Cosmos, Twilight, Discord, Fluttershy Summary - The Mane Six's quest for the fallen stars of a missing constellation puts them on a collision course with their most galactic adversary yet. Discord's clingy ex wife who still hasn't received any child support. Quick Review - They don't even bother to write Starlight out anymore. She just doesn't exist. Cosmos isn't as fun of a villain as Eris or the Storm King, but she's serviceable. I do like her design. Discord puts his past behind him for good physically and metaphorically. (7/10) FiM Issue #79 (The Ponyville Anniversary Spectacular) (Highly Recommended) (Major!) Characters - Sunset Shimmer, I don't know I don't remember the rest Summary - Fuck you it has Shim Sham. Quick Review - Sunnybutt jams out on a guitar at the end. (11/10) My Little Pony: Spirit of the Forest Characters - CMC, Filthy Rich, Diamond Tiara, Mayor Mare Summary - Something about a forest mystery? Quick Review - Lackluster follow up to the amazing Nightmare Knights. Stop giving the CMC mini series you hacks. (4/10) FiM Issue #80 (Live-Action Role Pony!) Characters - Mane 6, Bulk Biceps Summary - The Mane Six play a live-action role-playing game. The usual Pinkie hijinks ensue. Quick Review - I'm so use to using LARP as an insult now, it's weird to see it in an endearing manner. Fun little adventure issue. (6/10) FiM Issue #81 (Pretty Fly) Characters - Scootaloo, Rumble, Rainbow, Wind Sock Summary - Scootaloo and Rumble learn about the only Earth pony to become a member of the Wonderbolts. Quick Review - Heartwarming. Seriously, someone get me thesaurus. (6.5/10) FiM Issue #82 (Dog-Dog-Dogged Determination) Characters - Rarity, Mane 6, Celestia, Cerberus Summary - Rarity is tasked with giving Cerberus obedience training after he leaves his post at Tartarus again. Quick Review - Dude, Rares, never change. (6/10) FiM Issue #83 (The Strange Case of Silver Blaze) Characters - Twilight, Spike Summary - Twilight Sparkle and Spike investigate when a famous racing tortoise goes missing. Quick Review - Less Sherlock Holmes and more Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. This is a good thing. (6/10) My Little Pony: Feats of Friendship (Major) (Recommended) Characters - Student Six, Swift Foot Summary - Come one, come all, to the School of Friendship's very first sporting event-the Feats of Friendship! As Sandbar, Smolder, Gallus, Ocellus, Yona, and Silverstream prepare for the new competition, they realize they're going to need one more pony to round out their team. Enter Swift Foot, a mysterious new exchange student! But will she help strengthen the Young Six's bonds of friendship-or just drive them apart? Jealousy threatens our favorite youngsters in this brand-new miniseries! Quick Review - This is by far and away my favorite Student 6 depiction in the franchise. It shows off very well how far they have come and how well they work together as friends and individuals. Swift Hoof makes for a great antagonist, trying to plant seeds of resentment but realizing that it doesn't work on the students and realizing her own faults. Dom Athenian Warrior waifu also included. (8.5/10) FiM Issue #84 (Identity Crisis) Characters - Ocellus Summary - Ocellus struggles to complete a big project for the School of Friendship midterm. Quick Review - Man, I wish my problem was that I was so booksmart I had trouble fitting it all into my creative outlets. What a fucking struggle that would be. But I understand wanting to be a perfectionist, and that sucks. Amazing insight as usual by me. (5/10) FiM Issue #85 (Apple Bobbing) Characters - AJ, AB, Big Mac Summary - Applejack teaches Apple Bloom the meaning of courage by telling her the story of how she conquered her fear of the water when she was little. Quick Review - A whole lot of touching moments between AJ and AB. A very cozy little story if you ignore the giant spider. (7/10) FiM Issue #86 (Marble and a Hard Place) Characters - Maud, Marble Pinkie Summary - Pinkie Pie and Maud Pie help their sister Marble make friends by helping her throw a party. Quick Review - I love the Pie family, dude. The chemistry between them is something we don't get to see often enough. (6.5/10) FiM Issue #87-88 (The Fast and the Furriest) Characters - Big Mac, Rainbow, Angel Summary - Rainbow Dash and Big McIntosh take part in the Draytona Breach 500, which an antiquities dealer uses as cover to smuggle a priceless artifact. Quick Review - Meh. (6/10) I can finally pass out now.
Ultimate Gambling Guide for GTA Online - odds, probabilities, and optimal strategies
Since the Diamond Casino update, I have seen a large number of 12-year-olds posting Blackjack memes on this sub. As a parent, this has me very worried. On top of that, I have seen some of the most trustworthy GTA Youtubers giving flawed gambling advice, which can have damaging impact on their gullible audiences. So that's why I decided to write this up, to educate everyone on the subject, so there will be no more misunderstandings. (2020 Update down at the bottom.) If you're one of those Youtubers that wants to use this information in a video, feel free to do so. The more people (especially kids) that become educated about gambling, the better. But then also please go back and review your own work, and delete or edit the videos that are giving out the wrong advice, like where you're saying you have "a good strategy for making money with roulette", or some other nonsense that I've heard this week. Delete that please. Before I get into the individual games, I need to discuss a few concepts first, that will make understanding the rest a lot easier. Expected return and variance A game like Roulette or Slots has a fixed expected return on your bets. This is a percentage that you have no way of influencing. Say you are flipping a coin against a friend, and you both put up $1. The winner gets the pot. Since the odds are even at 50%, in the long run, you will expect to break even. Your expected return is 100% of your bet. But imagine if you would play this coin flipping game in a casino against the house. On the "house rules" listed at the table they would probably say that you would only get 95 cents back for every win, while you are forfeiting a dollar on every loss. Would you still play? Sounds stupid to do so, but still, everybody does it. Every bet they place on Roulette, every coin they put into a Slot machine, is based on the same concept. Those few cents they take on every bet are their profit margin, and has paid for all the Vegas lights, the Mirage volcanoes, and the Bellagio fountains. Make no mistake - casino gambling games are not designed to make you lose, because sure, you can get lucky on a single night, but they are designed to make them win. That's the beauty of it. They can both exist at the same time. Too many people that don't see how this works, are just destined for disaster. Just because you went on a lucky streak and won 8 games out of 10, does not mean that flipping coins is a profitable game, or that choosing tails is a winning strategy. Always be aware of the house edge, your true chances of winning, and just realize that you got lucky. There is no such thing as a strategy in flipping a coin that will give you a higher expected return, so it's just pure gambling, just like Slots and Roulette. Most casino games are made in such a way, that your expected return is a little under 100%. This means that from every dollar bet at the tables, the casino expects to keep a few cents. For individual players, results may vary. Some will win, most will lose. But for the house, it doesn't matter. They take millions of bets each day, so for them, the expected average works out a lot sooner. In short: the house always wins. When looking at the house edge, we're talking about the expected long-term result, based on the game's house rules. But for a player, it can take literally tens of thousands of hands or spins before you also reach this average number. Until that time, you can experience huge upswings and downswings, that are the result of nothing but short-term luck, which is called variance. Some games and some bets have a much higher variance than others, which means your actual results will differ enormously from what you're expected to be at. Take for example betting on red/black at the Roulette table. This is a low-variance proposition, because it has a high percentage chance of occurring, and a low payout. Contrast this with betting single numbers in Roulette, which only win once every 38 spins on average. This bet has a much higher variance, meaning you can easily hit a dry spell, and not hit anything for 200 bets in a row, or you can see a single number hit three times in five consecutive spins. This is not a freak occurrence in high-variance bets. Even though the expected return in both these bets is exactly the same, there's a huge difference in variance, causing massive differences in short-term results, which can go both ways. You need to be aware of this, before you decide what types of bets you are comfortable with placing. Gamblers' Fallacy Another thing to realize, is that each individual game, hand, or spin, is completely independent from the one(s) before it, and after it. Gamblers tend to believe, that the chance of a certain outcome is increased, based on previous results. The most famous example comes from the Casino de Monte Carlo, where the Roulette wheel managed to land on black 26 times in a row. Gamblers lost many millions during that streak, all frantically betting on red, believing that the odds were in favor of the wheel coming out on red, after producing so many blacks. This is not true. Each round is completely independent, and the odds are exactly the same. You will hear people say things like a Blackjack table being "hot" or "cold", which is completely superstitious, and should be ignored. The exception was when Blackjack was being dealt from a shoe. It made card counting possible. But with the introduction of shuffle machines, and continuous shuffling like is being used in GTA, this no longer exists. This is also why "chasing your losses" is a very bad idea. After being on a losing streak for some time, many gamblers believe that now it's their turn to start winning. So they will often increase their bet size, believing that when their predicted winning streak comes around, they will win back their losses, and more. The reality of it, more often than not, is that people will indeed start playing higher and higher limits, until they are completely broke. Nobody is ever "due for a win". There is never a guarantee that you're about to start winning. In fact, the opposite is more likely to be true. You are, after all, in a casino. Betting systems Some people like to think that they have a fool-proof betting system, like the Martingale system. Simply increase or even double your bet when you lose, and keep doing that until you win. In theory, this system will always win. So that's why table limits were introduced, and where the system fails. If you start at the Roulette table, playing red/black, with a small 750 chip wager, and just double your bet every time you lose, you only have to lose 6 times in a row, before you will be betting the table limit of 48,000, just to get that 750 chip profit. Sure, you can go on all evening without this happening, winning 750 chips each time, but this losing streak only has to happen once, and you're bust. Any betting system like this is ill-advised, because you are hugely increasing your so-called "risk of ruin", and that's what we were trying to avoid. And even if your starting bet is only 100 chips, after only nine straight losses, and nine doubled bets, you are betting the table limit at 50,000 chips. If you lose that bet, you're 100,000 chips in the hole, with no way to recover that with your 100 chip base wager. So don't believe anyone that says this is the perfect system to always win in the casino. Sooner or later they will understand why they were wrong, when they're asking you for a loan. Set your limits BEFORE you start playing One final point before we get into the games, a general tip for people that head out to play: money management. Just like in real life, before you go to the casino, decide on a maximum amount that you are WILLING TO LOSE. Bet small enough, so that amount can last you through the entire evening, and you will not be tempted to run to the ATM to continue playing. Considering GTA money, some people will be comfortable losing 1% of their GTA bank balance, some people will be comfortable with gambling away 5% of their total GTA savings. It's up to you what you can handle. Decide for yourself where it will start to hurt, and don't cross that line. But whatever number you decide on, as soon as you lost that amount, get up and walk away. Don't chase your losses, stick to your limits, and accept that this has not been your day. There is always another game tomorrow. Always agree with yourself on a simple stop-loss rule, how much you would want to lose at most, and simply stop playing when you get there. Same goes for winning. You can decide on a number, how much profit you would like to take away from the casino. You can go on a hot streak and be up half a million in a short period of time, but if you would continue to play longer, looking for more, chances are that you're going to lose it all back. Most people are happy with doubling their daily casino budget, for example. Others are looking for 10 bets profit in Blackjack. Whatever you choose, when you hit that number, you can stop playing and bank your profits, or you can continue playing if you're still enjoying the games, but then only just play minimum bet sizes. Then you're just playing for fun, not for money. You've already made your profit, so simply keep it in your pocket, and don't risk losing it again. Either way, decide on what your money management strategy will be, and STICK TO IT. Casino games in GTA Online Now, I'm going to dive into the games that you can find at the Diamond casino, ordered from worst to best. 6) Slots Generally the rule is this: the less strategy a game has, the worse it is for the player. And with slots, this is definitely the case. The only influence you have, is choosing what type of machine you're going to play. Basically, there are two types of slot machines: -high frequency, low payout slots -low frequency, high payout slots In the first type, there is no huge (progressive) jackpot on offer, just your average selection of prizes that don't go up to crazy amounts. This will result in a player having many more spins resulting in a win. The amounts that you win on the bigger prizes, will be smaller, but they do come around more often. This type of slot machine has a lower variance, which means that your money should last you longer, winning many smaller prizes along the way to keep you going. The second type of slot machine lures you in with the temptation of a huge jackpot prize. Even though the long-term expected return on these machines is the same as the previous type, the prize distribution is hugely different. The large jackpot prize weighs heavily on the scale of expected return, but the chance of it hitting is extremely small. This results in a much higher variance on this type of machine. Usually your money will go down very fast, because the smaller prizes are less rewarding than on the other type of machine. At the Diamond, the info screen says the player return at slots is set at 98.7%. This means that, on average, for every maximum bet of 2,500 chips, you expect to lose 32.5 chips. This might not seem like a lot, but the danger of slots is that the game is extremely fast. You can spin about once every 6 seconds, which would result in an expected LOSS of about 20,000 chips per hour of playing. But again, in this long-term expected number, the large jackpot awards are also factored in, and as long as you don't hit those big prizes, you'll see your money go down a lot faster. In any case, thank heavens the max bet is only set at 2,500, or else we would see more players go bankrupt at alarming rates. Optimal strategy for slots: There is none. Because after betting, you have no more influence over the outcome. The only choices you have, is what type of machine you want to play at, and how much money you are going to risk. And those are all personal preference. As long as you stick to your loss limits, as discussed above, there's no harm in having a go every once in a while, hoping to get a lucky hit. Just realize that you don't have a high chance of scoring a big win, so as soon as you do, get up and walk away. 5) Roulette Roulette is also a game where you have no influence over the outcome. There is zero skill involved. You place your bet, and that's it. In traditional French roulette, a table has only the single-zero, but of course, for American casinos that wasn't enough of a house edge, so they simply doubled their profits by adding a second zero. The house edge was increased from 1/37 to 1/19, which is huge. This makes playing on a double-zero roulette table by definition a sucker's play. The payouts scale evenly, which means that a bet on a single number, and a bet on half of the numbers, and everything in between, yields the same expected return. The only difference, again, being the variance that you are willing to subject yourself to. The player return for double-zero Roulette for all bets is 94.74%. Except for the 5-number bet, which can only be made by placing a bet on the two top rows that contain 0, 00, 1, 2 and 3. The expected return on this bet is lower: 92.1%. This is because it only pays out 6-1. Why? Well, the number 36 isn't divisible by 5, so the greedy people that came up with double-zero Roulette had to round it off someway, and as expected, it wasn't going to be in the players' favor.Just remember that that 5-number bet is the worst bet at the table, and should be avoided. All other possible bets have the same expected return. So it really doesn't matter how you spread your bets, if you bet only one chip, or if you litter the entire table with a bucketload of chips. Each chip you put out there, has the same expected return, so there is no strategy that will improve your long-term results. Assuming that you're betting the maximum table amount of 50,000 chips, you will be looking at an expected loss of about 2,630 chips per spin. Considering that a round takes about 45 seconds to complete, your expected LOSS at the GTA Roulette tables will be around 200,000 chips per hour of playing. Optimal strategy for double-zero roulette: Stay away. Stay far away. 4) Three Card Poker With Three Card Poker, we come across the first game where there is actually some strategy involved. You get to look at your cards, and then decide if you want to fold, and surrender your ante, or double your bet. Additionally, you can choose to place a side bet on "Pair Plus", which offers progressive payouts. There are some websites out there that ran all the numbers with computer simulations, and even though I would like to quote the source here, these websites are understandably littered to the max with online casino ads, so that's why I have decided against doing that. Optimal strategy for Three Card Poker: For this game you only have to remember one strategy rule: Always bet on any high card queen-six-four or better, and fold any high card queen-six-three or lower. That's it. Just don't forget to double check if you're not folding a straight or a flush, and you'll be fine. This strategy will result in an expected return of 96.63%. The Pair Plus sidebet, with the payout table that is used at the Diamond casino, gives you an expected return of 97.68%, which is actually a bit better than the main ante bet. So by playing both wagers, you're reducing your expected losses per bet, but since you're betting more, you're also increasing your expected loss per hour. My advice would obviously be to not play this game at all, but if you do, put as much of your bet as possible on the Pair Plus, while making our Ante bet as small as you can. To be able to compare it to the other games at the Diamond, let's stay on that 50,000 maximum wager, meaning making your ante bet 35,000, and your pair plus bet 15,000, if the table would allow it. This results in an expected loss of about 1,525 chips per hand, and with a round taking about 45 seconds, this adds up to an expected LOSS of around 120,000 chips per hour of playing. In comparison, if you would only play the ante bet for 50,000 per hand, you expect to lose 1,685 chips per hand, which means an expected LOSS of about 135,000 chips per hour. So the more out of that 50,000 wager you can put on the "Pair Plus" sidebet, the better. Even though it may be fun to try out this game for a bit, since there's only one simple strategy rule to follow, you'll soon find yourself robotically grinding down your bankroll until it has vaporized. You're not missing out on anything if you skip these tables, there is no real challenge. Just like with Roulette and Slots, if you want to try it out nonetheless, you can just bet the minimum amounts and only play for fun, so it won't matter if you win or lose. 3) Blackjack Blackjack is the most complicated game by far. Simply because the player has to make a series of decisions, which will largely decide the outcome. Luckily, there is such a thing as an optimal strategy, which will be outlined below. However, the strategy is also dependent on the house rules. These not only affect your expected return, but in some places also your decisions. Here are the house rules at the Diamond casino: -The game uses 4 standard decks, and a continuous shuffle. -Blackjack pays 3 to 2, dealer checks for early blackjack. -No insurance offered, no surrender. -Dealer stands on soft 17. -Double down on any two cards. -Player can split only once, but doubling after split is allowed. -Seven-Card Charlie. Under these rules, and following the "basic strategy" chart, your expected return at Blackjack is a shade under 99.6%, which is extremely good for a casino game, that's why Blackjack should be your table game of choice. But it comes at a price: you are going to have to memorize the relatively complicated strategy chart, or at least stick it to your monitor until you have it in your head. But in case you ever stumble into a real-life casino, you won't regret having this table memorized, so I would definitely advise you to work on that. The strategy chart might look complicated at first, but you will be able to notice certain patterns. Your decisions are mainly based on the dealer's upcard, which is basically divided into a weak card (2 to 6), and a strong card (7 to ace). When a dealer shows a strong card, you will be hitting more often with the risk of going bust, but when a dealer shows a weak card, you're not taking that risk, and you will be standing more, but also doubling and splitting more. You want to increase your bets when the odds are in your favor, and get out cheap when they're not. But it also helps to take some time to think about why a certain advice is given. For example, why does it say that you always have to split two eights, even against an ace. Well, that's because two eights equals 16, which is the worst total you can have. It's better to split them up, and give yourself a chance of finding a 17, 18 or 19 with the next card. Once you see the logic in that, you'll have one less thing to memorize. The playing advice in the basic strategy chart is a result of computer simulations that ran all possible outcomes against each other, and produced the most profitable decision for each situation. So you can't go wrong following it. Optimal strategy for Blackjack with Seven-Card Charlie The added house rule of Seven-Card Charlie, adds a small advantage for the player, and it does influence a few strategy decisions. For example, you might have a 14 with 6 cards, against the dealer's 5 upcard. Normally this would be an automatic stand, but if you're only one card away from the Seven-Card Charlie, meaning an instant win for the player, regardless of the dealer's hand, it turns it into a hit. Here's the most optimal strategy chart to follow for the Diamond Casino house rules: https://prnt.sc/olct6g You'll see that two fives are missing from the chart, and that's because you never split them. You treat them as a regular 10. You also never split tens. Just stand on 20. If you follow this strategy religiously, even with a maximum wager of 50,000 chips, you only expect to lose about 215 chips per hand, and with rounds taking about 30 seconds, that amounts to an expected LOSS of 26,000 chips per hour, which is only half a bet. A small price to pay for an hour of entertainment. But since the expected return is so extremely close to 100%, you will see more positive short-term results than with other games. But obviously it can also swing the other way. Again, this is supposed to be the game where your money lasts you the longest, but always set your loss and win limits before you sit down. That rule simply always applies. Still, even with optimal strategies applied, all these games are expected to lose you money in the long run. So betting any kind of large amounts is not advised. If you simply want to enjoy playing these games, there's nothing wrong with betting a minimal amount. Playing these games for a longer period of time will already cost you money anyway, since your daily property fees will still be charged while you're playing in the GTA casino. As long as you can play for fun, there's nothing wrong, but when you see yourself betting insane chunks of your entire bank balance to try to recoup some unfortunate losses, you're doing it wrong. As the commercials in Britain all correctly say: when the fun stops, stop. 2) Virtual Horse Racing Now onto the good stuff. I ran some numbers, and I believe Rockstar has made a mistake with the horse racing game. Because as it stands, and if I read the numbers correctly, this game is actually profitable for the player. You can actually make money with this, at least, until Rockstar figures out their mistake and patches it. If anyone wants to jump into the math and double check this to make sure, please do so. I will add any corrections to this post. This is one of those "to good to be true" things, so I keep thinking that I might have overlooked something. So please verify it if you can. The setup is this. There is a pool of 100 horses, each with their own attached payout. These are divided into 3 groups, ranked by their odds. From each group, 2 horses are randomly selected to provide a pool of six runners for you to bet on. Now it's not an actual race you're looking at. You are looking at a raffle. This is important to realize. Each horse gets awarded a certain number of raffle tickets. The favorites get awarded more tickets than the underdogs, and therefore, have a higher chance of winning. If this distribution works like it does in the real-life casinos, then the raffle tickets are awarded according to the betting odds. Example 1: imagine a race with 3 runners, all have 2/1 odds, representing a 33.3% chance of winning. (Because 2/1 means 2 AGAINST 1, so 3 total.) In this case, each horse gets one third of the raffle tickets, giving them an equal chance to win. Example 2: imagine a race with 3 runners, one has 1/1 odds (or EVENS), representing a 50% chance of winning, and the other two horses are marked up as 3/1, with a 25% chance of winning. The favorite gets half the tickets, the other two get a quarter of the tickets each. A ticket is drawn, and you'll have a winner. It doesn't matter in this game which horse you bet on, because the expected return is always the same: 100% or break-even, for the above examples. Now, what happens if the percentages don't exactly add up to 100%? They must add up to 100%, because there will always be a winner. And only one winner. So when this is the case, the actual winning chances of the horses are adjusted to meet the 100% requirement, using their payout odds to determine the scale. So, if the represented percentages add up to more than 100%, the actual winning chances of the runners will be DECREASED, resulting in all bets becoming losing propositions for the players. Example: In a 6-horse race, all runners are listed at 4/1, representing a 20% chance. Only with six runners that amounts to 120%. So all chances are scaled down by 1/6th, to end up at 100%. This means your horse's chances are reduced from 20% to 16.67%, turning it into a losing bet: 5 times you will lose your bet, and 1 time you will win, but only get 4 bets back in this instance, instead of 5. A losing bet in the long run. This is the type of odds that you find in regular casinos, with fields as large as 15 runners to bet on, where the assumed winning chances always add up to more than 100%, therefore are decreased for all runners, resulting in a house edge. But in GTA Online's Inside Track, there are other scenarios, because of the small field, and the way that they are put together. In some cases, the represented percentages when added up, are LESS than 100%, meaning that the actual winning chances of all runners, are INCREASED. This creates profitable bets for the players, because in the long run, you're expecting to win more money than you lose. This is a gambler's dream, pure and simple. So, according to the in-game information, the three groups of horses are divided as follows: -Favorites: EVENS to 5-1 -Outsiders: 6-1 to 15-1 -Underdogs: 16-1 to 30-1 Let's take the two most extreme examples to show what's happening. The worst possible field to bet on: two runners at EVENS, two runners at 6-1, and two runners at 16-1. EVENS represents a 50% chance, 6-1 is 14.29%, and 16-1 is 5.88%. Add those up and you land on a total of 140.34%. This means that the actual winning chances of the horses are decreased by 28.75% (to get that 140% down to 100%), which makes betting on this field extremely unwise. A horse at EVENS will only come in as a winner 35.63% of the time, instead of 50%, a horse at 6-1 will only win 10.18% of the time, and an underdog at 16-1 will only win 4.19% of the time. The expected return on a bet on any of the horses in this field is only 71.26%, so a maximum bet of 10,000 chips on any of these horses holds an expected LOSS of 2,875 chips. These returns are the same, because the winning chances are scaled equally, according to the payout numbers. So it really doesn't matter which horse you bet on, in the long run, you expect the same results. But as explained before, it does influence variance, and therefore your short-term result, which can swing both ways. But now, the best possible field to bet on: two runners at 5-1, two runners at 15-1, and two runners at 30-1. Odds at 5-1 represents a winning chance of 16.67%, 15-1 odds means 6.25% chance, and 30-1 odds means a 3.23% chance of winning. Add these six horses together, and you only get 52.285%. This means that, to get from 52% to 100%, the actual winning chances of these horses will be almost doubled! Multiplied by 1.91 to be exact. So the 5-1 favorites will now win 31.88% of the time, instead of 16.67%, the 15-1 runners will win 11.95% of the time, and the underdogs at 30-1 odds will still win 6.17% of the time. When betting on this field, the expected return on your bet is 191.25%! This means that a max bet of 10,000 chips will result in an expected PROFIT of 9,125 chips. This is printing money, if there ever was such a thing. Optimal strategy for Virtual Horse racing So all you have to do, is only bet high on the games where you have an expected positive return, and bet the absolute minimum on the games where your expected return is negative. Or back out of the racing game to refresh the field. If you don't have a way to quickly add up all the percentages, and until somebody shows up here with a neatly formatted table, just use a few general rules of thumb: -Always bet the maximum on a race with favorites at 2/1 and 3/1 or higher in it. -Simply skip all races with two favorites at EVENS in it, and at EVENS and 2/1. Or bet the minimum, if you can't skip or refresh the field. -To decide if you should play races with other favorite combinations EVENS and 3/1, EVENS and 4/1, EVENS and 5/1, or two favorites at 2/1, the payouts on the other four runners determine whether or not it's profitable to play them. The results of betting on these fields vary from an expected 1,330 chip loss (worst-case) to an expected 1,680 chip win (best-case), with a max bet of 10,000 chips. But if you're not looking for another strategy chart, you might just want to skip these borderline cases, and just cherry pick the best ones, which are easy to recognize, and with which you can never go wrong. It's difficult to put a number on an expected win-rate, because it all depends on which fields you get presented with, but it's not unreasonable to state that you can maintain a steady win-rate of around 200,000 chips per hour, with about 50 seconds per race. Remember, you're not trying to win every race. You're trying to win the most money per hour. So don't sweat it when you bet on a 4/1 favorite, and lose a couple of races in a row. It will still be more profitable in the long run. You have the math on your side. To reduce negative variance, always bet on the favorite, when betting on profitable fields. We're not gambling anymore, we're grinding out a steady profit. We want to keep the swings to a minimum. I contacted Rockstar support to verify if this is indeed how it works, but the only reply I got after 6 weeks is that they were "looking into it". User u/Garsant made a useful Excel-worksheet, available for you to download, where you can quickly type in the payouts on the horses, to see if it produces a profitable bet or not. You can find it in his post here: https://www.reddit.com/gtaonline/comments/ekp8na/gta_online_inside_track_odd_calculato 1) Wheel of Fortune The number one profitable casino game in GTA Online is obviously the Wheel of Fortune, because it costs you nothing to play. Unfortunately, you only get one free spin per day, but it holds great value, so make sure you do it. With a chance to win a super car, vehicle discounts, expensive mystery prizes (which also can be vehicles), and a lot of cash and chips, the expected return on a single spin is around $100,000 in value. So don't forget your daily spin, it's definitely worth your time. 2020 Update: As of the Diamond Casino Heist update, the Inside Track horse racing is confirmed to still be as profitable as outlined above.The only thing that seems to be changed, is that you can't refresh the field anymore by backing out of the screen. This does affect your hourly rate in a negative way, but does not change the fact that this game has a huge positive expected return, and should be your go-to when you're trying to take money from the house, without having Lester's nagging voice in your ear. That should also be worth something. And with that, I conclude my 5,000 word essay on gambling in GTA. Questions, comments, feel free to add your input to this guide. Cliffs: -Gambling games should only be played for fun, not for big money. You should expect to lose in the long run. The house always wins. -A casino game doesn't have a memory, and betting systems don't work. -Set your limits before you start, how much you are willing to lose or win, and then walk away when you get there. -Don't play slots, roulette, or three card poker. -Only play blackjack following a basic strategy chart (https://prnt.sc/olct6g). -Inside Track betting can be played profitably, if you only bet on fields WITHOUT a heavy favorite. -Wheel of Fortune is always your best bet, because it's a free bet.
The biggest draws at the Four Queens are its casino, low room rates, fabulously old-school steakhouse, and prime location in the heart of the Fremont Street Experience. The 690 rooms are basic and dated, despite renovations throughout 2016 that added new bathrooms with walk-in showers. Guests in want of a pool, fitness center, or spa (Four Queens lacks all three) might prefer the two pools ... Construction for the Four Queens property first started in 1964, and on June 2, 1966, the casino officially opened for business in Downtown Las Vegas. It is named after the builder Ben Goffstein’s four daughters, Hope, Michele, Faith, and Benita.The original design only consisted of 120 rooms, which covered roughly 20,000 square feet, however, an 18-story hotel building was eventually added ... Welcome to the Four Queens Resort and Casino. We work to deliver high-quality, traditional Las Vegas-style gaming and entertainment. Reviews of Four Queens Hotel and Casino This rating is a reflection of how the property compares to the industry standard when it comes to price, facilities and services available. It's based on a self-evaluation by the property. Use this rating to help choose your stay! 202 Fremont, Las Vegas, NV 89101, United States of America 4 Queens Casino Reviews secure casino, games on the website and gambling laws of Australia. Golden Gorilla. Visit our Facebook Page for more updates in Live Casino, Slots and Player to Player Poker. Visit Review. MegaJackpots Ocean Belles Play Now Play Demo More Info Available on Mobile $537,073. 66. Wilderland Touch. 97.90%. Posted on August 18, 2020 by admin. 98.18%. Blackjack offers the ... Four Queens Hotel and Casino: Not bad, but avoid the North Tower - See 3,066 traveller reviews, 854 candid photos, and great deals for Las Vegas, NV, at Tripadvisor. Four Queens Casino, Las Vegas. Das Four Queems Casino liegt direkt an der Fremont Street und gehört zu den bekanntesten Casinos von Las Vegas. Hier habe ich sogar einen Black Jack Dealer gehabt der deutsch sprach. Die Stimmung ist hier vile gelöster als in den Strip Casinos und man trifft viel mehr Locals. … Mehr lesen. Erlebnisdatum: November 2010. Hilfreich. Senden. carlifly hat im März ... Located on Fremont Street Four Queens Hotel and Casino features no resort fees a variety of on-site dining options and a seasonal outdoor pool. The Las Vegas Strip is 1.3 miles away.Each air-conditioned room includes a flat-screen cable TV a safety deposit box and a coffee machine. Free toiletries and a hairdryer are included in the ensuite ... Reviews from Four Queens Hotel & Casino employees about Four Queens Hotel & Casino culture, salaries, benefits, work-life balance, management, job security, and more. Four Queens Casino, Las Vegas: Address, Phone Number, Four Queens Casino Reviews: 4/5
North Tower Standard King Room @ Four Queens Hotel ...